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Voice in my head - cellophane
the story of an invisible girl
renniekins
renniekins
Voice in my head
When the Annoying Loud Guy (who sits one cubicle over from me at work) starts totally driving me crazy, I find myself responding to his conversations in my head. He'll be on the phone with his wife, talking loudly about inane subjects. I silently insert my own responses in the breaks in conversation. It makes me feel a tiny bit better.

"Why are they complaining about people peeing on their lawn?" [he switches to a whining slurred mumbling voice and imiates them briefly, making my skin crawl]
Holy crap Annoying Guy, don't ever make those noises again!
"They should stop complaining and just chain a doberman in their yard!"
What?!
"Then nobody would pee on their lawn, unless they wanted their thing bitten off."
What if they don't actually want a doberman?
"Those people in Wyandott are the most whining, complaining, obnoxious people anywhere!"
You mean like you?
"I'm so glad I don't live there anymore!"
I wish you were in Wyandott right now.
"I don't understand why people would complain about something like this!"
I don't understand why you're a COMPLETE IDIOT!
[He continues on at this point, but I can no longer hear him over the sound of my head-voice...]
I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, YOU ARE SO STUPID, SHUT UP, YOU DRIVE ME CRAZY!
"Okay, talk to you later, bye."

[Silence. Peace and quiet. It's over...for now.]

And yes, those are actual things he said, as close as I can remember them. He apparently thought somebody was a complainer because some stranger was peeing on their lawn?! That's too weird.

(And oh no....I'm not repressed. Everything's fine! I'm not going to explode one day. No-siree, not me. Everything's just a-okay here in cubicle-land! heehee.)

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Comments
caffeined From: caffeined Date: July 31st, 2003 02:29 pm (UTC) (Link)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

this was hilarious
renniekins From: renniekins Date: July 31st, 2003 02:41 pm (UTC) (Link)
Good, I'm glad you think so! I was mildly worried that the response I received would be along the lines of:

"Seek help. Fast."
abrokenstarr From: abrokenstarr Date: July 31st, 2003 02:46 pm (UTC) (Link)
Seek help. Fast.

Sorry, I couldn't resist. Oh, I've done that so many times before myself....
renniekins From: renniekins Date: July 31st, 2003 03:03 pm (UTC) (Link)
heehee! (:
radiantsoul From: radiantsoul Date: July 31st, 2003 02:59 pm (UTC) (Link)
Why aren't you in an open plan office?
renniekins From: renniekins Date: August 3rd, 2003 08:01 pm (UTC) (Link)
I don't know....we just are placed in cubicles.....
cynnerth From: cynnerth Date: July 31st, 2003 03:19 pm (UTC) (Link)
LOL
I've had mental conversations like that in my head while listening to annoying people around me at work. Glad I'm not the only one!
encorecrazay From: encorecrazay Date: July 31st, 2003 03:28 pm (UTC) (Link)
What happened to the new guy, not talking to him.
renniekins From: renniekins Date: July 31st, 2003 03:39 pm (UTC) (Link)
I don't think Brave New Guy was around...he may have left for the day already. Although this was a different annoying guy (Annoying Loud Guy) than last time (Loud Music Guy)....
fjarlq From: fjarlq Date: July 31st, 2003 11:19 pm (UTC) (Link)
Ugh... can you request to have your cube moved, or request that he be brought up on abuse charges and transferred to your Antarctic office?

At least this made me laugh... he serves ONE good purpose... :)
renniekins From: renniekins Date: August 3rd, 2003 08:02 pm (UTC) (Link)
Yes, at least he and the other guy give me good ranting fodder for journaling!

I love my cube, I'd rather he moved. I've complained about it to the managers, but I'd probably hear him no matter where he moved...he's that loud.
infernus1218 From: infernus1218 Date: August 1st, 2003 08:57 am (UTC) (Link)
You know, you should really say something to the freak. Like casually mention that you are extremely sorry that he has "Penis Erectile Dysfunction" or something like that. When he gets all shocked and offended, you can say something like,"Perhaps if you didn't so fucking loud during your PERSONAL phonecalls I wouldn't bring it up."

Just the way that I would handle it. It's a lot better than carry around that unreleased rage.
renniekins From: renniekins Date: August 3rd, 2003 08:03 pm (UTC) (Link)
heeheehee! That's a thought!
infernus1218 From: infernus1218 Date: August 3rd, 2003 08:15 pm (UTC) (Link)
Would you like me to visit your office and point to him and ask if he's the one I constantly hear when I call you on the phone?
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