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Tell me, Harry, Sally.... - cellophane
the story of an invisible girl
renniekins
renniekins
Tell me, Harry, Sally....
...can a man and a women ever really switch from dating to being "just friends"? I was reading mindme's Man 2 Dialogs, and I wondered about some of it, and what others might think.

Case two, she wants to be friends. So, great, a woman you're accustomed to seeing naked suddenly wants to be your bestest friend. Every time you're out with her, you're sitting across from her thinking to yourself "I know what your nipples look like." The result: heartbreak.


Gentlemen: is this true? Does her nudity haunt the back of you eyelids whenever you try spend time with her?

Alas, in the vast majority of cases when a woman says "let's just be friends" it's the kind of friendship where you don't actually do any friend-like things. It just means "if I see you in a bank line I'll say hello and, as an added bonus, I won't say bad things about you to all the single women I know as long as you make sufficient and demonstrated effort to stay out of my life."


Ladies, is this true? Do you actually want to actively avoid spending time with him?

Are there any happy, sexless, loving, caring relationships-turned-friends out there?
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Comments
hannunvaakuna From: hannunvaakuna Date: February 2nd, 2004 10:29 pm (UTC) (Link)
please to partake of my pecan pie? PEEEECAN PIEEEE?
theuglyvolvo From: theuglyvolvo Date: February 3rd, 2004 05:21 am (UTC) (Link)

Re:

"Would you like to go to the movies with me tonight?"

"Would you like to go to the movies with me tonight?"

"No...is not to repeat. Is to answer."
mindme From: mindme Date: February 3rd, 2004 06:34 am (UTC) (Link)

Re:

And then she says no because she has a date. With a man. You can feel your own stomach falling...

theuglyvolvo From: theuglyvolvo Date: February 3rd, 2004 06:39 am (UTC) (Link)

Re:

I know ;o(

But not anymore because I've seen the damn movie so often I not only know it has a happy ending, I can recite the happy ending by heart.
;o)
cannibal From: cannibal Date: February 4th, 2004 09:38 am (UTC) (Link)

pecan pie?

What the HECK are you guys talking about? Movie title, at least, for the pop-culture-deprived?
renniekins From: renniekins Date: February 4th, 2004 09:45 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: pecan pie?

When Harry Met Sally

Good heavens, I can't believe you haven't seen it! It's a classic, a great movie.
theuglyvolvo From: theuglyvolvo Date: February 4th, 2004 09:53 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: pecan pie?

When Harry Met Sally.
It was in the title of the post I think, although at this poing I'm not sure anymore.

;)
cannibal From: cannibal Date: February 4th, 2004 11:44 am (UTC) (Link)
Okay, I really have to watch that movie again, to make sure I've really watched it... or maybe I've just forgotten most of it.
infernus1218 From: infernus1218 Date: February 2nd, 2004 10:43 pm (UTC) (Link)
i think the person who posted the guy's point of view stopped way too early to truly explain what happens when you see someone that you used to have sex with regularly.

Every single one of those replay in the back of your mind... every... single... one.

Unless you are Hugh Heffner and it all just blurrs into one constant waking dream.
renniekins From: renniekins Date: February 3rd, 2004 07:11 am (UTC) (Link)
Yikes...wow!
prader From: prader Date: February 2nd, 2004 11:11 pm (UTC) (Link)
Women=Heartbreak

Unless you're Tom Cruise or some complete asshole. Then it's the other way around.
jkling From: jkling Date: February 3rd, 2004 06:11 am (UTC) (Link)

friends

Sure. I've been good friends with more than one ex. One of my best friends is an ex. We lived together for 4 years and broke up 5 years ago. She lives in New Hampshire, I live in DC, and we talk on the phone at least once a week.

It takes time to make that transition. But it's actually really worth it. You know her and she knows you in a way that no other friend ever could.

Basically, you have to be serious about it, and you have to take some time. You pretty much have to spend 3 or 4 months without seeing each other right after the breakup in order to get over each other and establish a new pattern, but after that it's not too hard, in my experience.
cpip From: cpip Date: February 3rd, 2004 06:58 am (UTC) (Link)
Hmmm. Well. My track record in this regard isn't good. One relationship-turned-friendship hasn't had sex in a year and a half... and it's almost become a joke about how we missed our annual roll in the hay. There's the possibility of sex in the future, but it's hardly a requirement, and we have a decent enough friendship without it, and I suspect even if we never have sex again it'll work out.

On the other hand, several past relationships ended very badly -- and one friendship was, I suspect, at least in part, wrecked by sex.
dreadpiratesiri From: dreadpiratesiri Date: February 3rd, 2004 09:42 am (UTC) (Link)
One of my friends swears by what she calls the "Six Month" rule. If you were involved in a relationship for longer than six months, and you break up, don't see the other person for a six month period. Her theory is that it is possible to be friends but that both people have to want it and unless the breakup was *truly* mutual, a definite rarity, both people don't want it immediately afterwards.

If you give it that time for feelings to cool down, chance of getting back together to go away, each of you to get some perspective, and all the little breakup wounds aren't so fresh, you can see what there was in that relationship worth continuing as a friendship.

This sounds like a very logical way to go about it. I've never done it. However, I do think it might have helped my last breakup if we had taken some real time apart instead of having freshly hurtful encounters all the time. At this point, I have no wish to be friends with that person, more due to the breakup/aftermath then anything in the relationship.

I am real friends with my first, highschool love though. So I have no idea if this helped or not but I'm done rambling. :-)
cannibal From: cannibal Date: February 4th, 2004 09:47 am (UTC) (Link)
Nah, I don't think the six month rule has any validity. I've had relationships where the break was clean and we didn't have any bad feelings but dropped out of touch for years, some where there were very bad feelings and dropped out of touch, some where we kept seeing each other and were not able to stop falling into bed, and in all of those cases I have been able to become close friends again. Continuing to see each other right after the breakup can be painful if one of you has continued strong feelings and you don't fall back into bed with each other to cushion the blow a little bit, but you can get through that, it just demands work and commitment to the friendship on both people's parts. If the feelings aren't that strong and you both feel it was a breakup that had to happen, you can continue seeing each other just fine.
jeffreyab From: jeffreyab Date: February 3rd, 2004 11:17 am (UTC) (Link)
Sometimes its hard even if you didn't see their nipples.

Its an intoxication that you never get completely over.
bjorng From: bjorng Date: February 3rd, 2004 06:32 pm (UTC) (Link)
I think there does need to be a cooling-down period, after which you can have a reasonable, friendly, non-romantic relationship with an ex. But there has to be a good reason for it; not all exes are sufficiently, um, interesting(?) to be worth making this adjustment.

And in my experience, at least one of the pair has to have lingering (romantic?) feelings in order to pursue friendship. At least in the beginning. (But I suppose that's endemic to any breakup.)
cannibal From: cannibal Date: February 4th, 2004 10:13 am (UTC) (Link)
Nah, it's impossible, nobody can ever have friends of the opposite sex.

"If love is judged by most of its effects, it resembles hate more than friendship." François, Duc de La Rochefoucauld

Nudity doesn't haunt men who are at peace with themselves. It can however be somewhat disturbing if every time you get together she takes her clothes off, begs you for a massage, and then when you kiss her on the shoulder snarls at you, "we're broken up, don't do that!"

"In the sex-war thoughtlessness is the weapon of the male, vindictiveness of the female." Cyril Connolly

"Go not to the elves for sex, for they will say both yes and no." J Dyer Tolkien
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