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Drifting - cellophane
the story of an invisible girl
renniekins
renniekins
Drifting
Reading through archives, trying to find a post I remember writing. I found it here. I could write this same post today, almost the same words, almost the same wordless frustration and helpless trapped feelings. Two years later. It's May. I always get depressed in May. It's kind of nice to have this journal to look back on, because I can easily browse through the archives and prove such theories. I've kept journals in the past, but nothing so stable as this one, nor as easily searchable.
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Comments
anderale From: anderale Date: May 30th, 2004 11:02 pm (UTC) (Link)

words don't help...

I know where you're coming from. I still feel weird on October 1st, even though it's been 15 years. Every year I think, My god, it's been that long. Each year it does get easier though.
jewelintheworld From: jewelintheworld Date: May 30th, 2004 11:32 pm (UTC) (Link)
it's the last day of May. cheer up=)
take the month of June to start everything afresh. That is what I am going to do, too.
renniekins From: renniekins Date: May 31st, 2004 01:02 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks...good idea. (-:
radiantsoul From: radiantsoul Date: May 31st, 2004 02:54 am (UTC) (Link)
How do you search your journal?
pi3832 From: pi3832 Date: May 31st, 2004 06:36 am (UTC) (Link)

Just call me Sigmund

How would you feel if May rolled around and you found that you weren't depressed?
renniekins From: renniekins Date: May 31st, 2004 01:01 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Just call me Sigmund

I don't know...I probably wouldn't even notice it. In theory, I'd be too busy living and enjoying my life.
jeffreyab From: jeffreyab Date: May 31st, 2004 07:29 am (UTC) (Link)

New Car

I think your life has evolved in the last two years, a new car for one.

Its too bad you have a birthday this time of year too.

However summer is coming and so is Sarah for the first time in a few years, the stilyagi picnic and a couple of parties in Ferndale.

Fun little stuff.

I am sorry to see that you are still not sleeping.

Do post about how to search your archive!
From: caneprints Date: May 31st, 2004 03:26 pm (UTC) (Link)
I can really identify with your feeling of being trapped. I once saw a documentary about the Witness Protection Program where they give someone a whole new identity, even down to their physical appearance. Sometimes that seems so appealing, just going somewhere and starting over, but I guess it can't be that simple in reality.
renniekins From: renniekins Date: June 1st, 2004 06:47 am (UTC) (Link)
That does sound really appealing, yes. I even find myself captivated sometimes by crazy concepts like losing my house in a fire!

Of course everything is so much simpler in our imaginations than in reality....
hannunvaakuna From: hannunvaakuna Date: June 1st, 2004 11:41 pm (UTC) (Link)
I even find myself captivated sometimes by crazy concepts like losing my house in a fire!

i'm not sure if i'm relieved or scared that we have this tidbit in common.
renniekins From: renniekins Date: June 2nd, 2004 08:16 am (UTC) (Link)
heeheehee...i think i'm a little scared. (:
bjorng From: bjorng Date: June 3rd, 2004 04:40 pm (UTC) (Link)
Hm, I've felt the same way lately. For me there's been no life-changing event as such. I'm not unhappy with how things are. Still I feel a need for a change. Meanwhile I'm just drifting, somehow with an inadvertant root-taking along the way.
thatguychuck From: thatguychuck Date: June 8th, 2004 05:24 pm (UTC) (Link)
If you would like help in finishing your basement so you can have a renter, I would help. Then, you would be able to backpack Europe without large financial constraints and still have a house to fall back on when you came back.

I have roommates. I have a very low-paying job at the moment that gives me freedom to take days off. I just got back from Key West. Things add up well. It took vague planning without knowing what the eventual destination was going to be, but so far it's added up well. :)
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