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Babies and Marriage and Green Cookies - cellophane
the story of an invisible girl
renniekins
renniekins
Babies and Marriage and Green Cookies
I had a good Saturday. It started out at an outdoor baby shower, where I got sunburned. One of those weathers where it was quite cold in the shade but hot in the sun. I kept taking my jacket off then putting it back on, all afternoon.

There was a woman there, in her 40's, who has been married for 8 years. But she ranted on and on to SG, telling her that getting married wasn't worth it. That it changes the way a couple behaves to one another. It was an interesting conversation, especially since she was undoing all of the hard work SG's friends have invested in trying to convince her that marriage is a good idea! Actually that's not really true -- after all I am sure SG will do what she thinks is best regardless of others' opinions.

Still, it was interesting hearing various girls' perspectives on marriage. I didn't really participate, but I listened -- I didn't have much to offer, given that I'm not married, have never been married, and am not seriously involved with anybody right now. The various perspectives of the women (one happily married but recommending against it, one divorced but happily remarried, and one divorced but about to remarry, and one in a serious relationship but not married) intrigued me. Especially after hearing about my coworker's coming divorce, and all the thinking I've been doing about that. Fascinating and complicated stuff, relationships and marriages.

After the baby shower, I bought some bike gloves and went for a bike ride. The gloves are a bit too big for me (darn alleged xs that really aren't), but I think they will help anyway if I mess around with their positioning a bit.

After that, I got together with F and we went to the inaugural Meals On Reels event! There was a pretty good turnout. I only knew the hosts, but since they are great people I was sure their friends would be cool too. As it turned out F knew one of their friends, so that made things more interesting. Lots of fun conversations were had.

We ate green food (including a yummy green cookie that looked like Cartman) and watched Soylent Green. It was a really good time, although very chilly for a summer evening (we watched the movie outside, which was really neat, but we had to huddle under blankets to ward off hypothermia). I had intended to wear my new green shirt in honor of the greenness of the event, but when I put it on over a long-sleeved undershirt, it looked too tight. I knew nobody would notice it except me, but I would be self-conscious and uncomfortable...and that's no good! So I put on a baggier yellow t-shirt instead, and I felt better. Not that it mattered much in the end, because I never took off my leather jacket.

It was a great way to end the day, and I'm looking forward to the next one soon.
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Comments
nishar From: nishar Date: June 20th, 2004 12:56 pm (UTC) (Link)

Thoughts

So what are your thoughts on marriage any how? Is it something you see yourself doing one day???
renniekins From: renniekins Date: June 20th, 2004 07:54 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Thoughts

I would like to get married someday, yes. But I won't get married just for the sake of being married, y'know? Only if I find a really great guy who I can't imagine spending the rest of my life without. And who feels the same way about me. I'm kind of "commitment-shy", but I'd love to find a guy someday who helps me get over that, and marry him, and live happily ever after.
nishar From: nishar Date: June 21st, 2004 01:14 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: Thoughts

You sound like a smart woman. Hope you find a smart guy one day and get married. *nods*
netmouse From: netmouse Date: June 20th, 2004 07:33 pm (UTC) (Link)
I got a little sunburned today, but just on the right shoulder. Not bad considering that I was out working in the yard for at least an hour and a half right around noon.


note that working in the yard bit -- my shoulder actually felt okay during, and I got some oregano and zuchini planted. it's late in the season, but who knows, they might grow. my shoulder was a bit techy later in the day, but not bad (yay!)


renniekins From: renniekins Date: June 21st, 2004 01:34 pm (UTC) (Link)
Cool! that's great it's feeling a little better....I hope it keeps improving.

jeffreyab From: jeffreyab Date: June 20th, 2004 09:27 pm (UTC) (Link)

Consensus

Was there any consensus reached?

What about working on the commitment thing and then looking for a great guy?

Its asking alot I think to expect both from the same person.

renniekins From: renniekins Date: June 21st, 2004 06:17 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: Consensus

I don't understand: why would I commit to somebody who wasn't a great guy?
jeffreyab From: jeffreyab Date: June 21st, 2004 08:30 am (UTC) (Link)

To be "great" is?

Do you mean that in order to be great a guy has to be able to solve your commitment problems or did you mean he would be so great, so perfect a match for you, that you would not have any problems committing to him?
renniekins From: renniekins Date: June 21st, 2004 01:35 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: To be "great" is?

The second.
jeffreyab From: jeffreyab Date: June 21st, 2004 04:36 pm (UTC) (Link)

Traits of a great guy for Renski.

So what are some of the traits a great guy would need to over come your commitment problems?

I ask because what if I should run into such a guy and not know he would be great for you?

I think friends and acquaintances of friends are the best way to meet potential partners.
specialagentm From: specialagentm Date: June 20th, 2004 09:47 pm (UTC) (Link)
Don't let any bitter person twist your perspective on marriage. It is totally worth it with someone you love and are loved by.

And if I can say that after my separation and divorce, I think that should mean something. I have no regrets at all. I learned a lot about myself and grew so much in my marriage. Just being willing to share your life and open up to someone else makes you grow as a person.
renniekins From: renniekins Date: June 21st, 2004 01:42 pm (UTC) (Link)
Yes, that is encouraging to hear....thanks. (:
pi3832 From: pi3832 Date: June 21st, 2004 06:36 am (UTC) (Link)
Fascinating and complicated stuff, relationships and marriages.

Watching others marriages from the outside, what strikes me is how most people don't take the time beforehand to discuss their expectations of marriage with the person they're going to marry.

It's like everyone has an idea in their head of what it means to be "married" and they assume everyone else has the same idea. Kind of the same thing with the idea of "God." People falsely assume their understanding is the universal one.

Marriage isn't anything more or less than what the two people involved make it.
jenx From: jenx Date: June 21st, 2004 07:16 am (UTC) (Link)
After being happily married to my best friend for 11 years, I agree with you wholeheartedly. What works for us as a couple I'm *sure* wouldn't work for everyone, or even some people. But we're happy, and that's fine.

I don't think people realize that a marriage is a living thing - it grows and evolves over time, it requires maintenance, and that *committment to the relationship* is more important than LOVE to making a marriage work. There are days when I may not *like* my husband, but I'm committed to the relationship, so I'll do what it takes to help us come out the other side of whatever issues we have and be stronger and happier together.
renniekins From: renniekins Date: June 21st, 2004 01:44 pm (UTC) (Link)
That's a good point! I'll have to remember to discuss that, if I ever approach marriage.
pi3832 From: pi3832 Date: June 21st, 2004 02:11 pm (UTC) (Link)
That's a good point!

That's 'cause I'm a SUUUUUUUUUPER-genius.
eviljohn From: eviljohn Date: June 21st, 2004 09:38 am (UTC) (Link)
all of the hard work SG's friends have invested in trying to convince her that marriage is a good idea!

BTDTGTTS ;-)

Actually that's not really true -- after all I am sure SG will do what she thinks is best regardless of others' opinions.

Absolutely.

renniekins From: renniekins Date: June 21st, 2004 01:43 pm (UTC) (Link)
BTDTGTTS? Not familiar with that....?
pi3832 From: pi3832 Date: June 21st, 2004 02:14 pm (UTC) (Link)

What do I win, Jack?

Been
There
Done
That
Got
The
T-
Shirt
eviljohn From: eviljohn Date: June 21st, 2004 02:19 pm (UTC) (Link)
been there, done that, got the t-shirt.
renniekins From: renniekins Date: June 22nd, 2004 06:48 am (UTC) (Link)
ah yes... (: thanks.
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