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Communication - cellophane
the story of an invisible girl
renniekins
renniekins
Communication
Earlier today I started sharing with my boy something that was troubling me. He launched into asking me questions. "Did you try this? How about that?" Then he began reassuring me that it was nothing that should be troubling me.

I started getting frustrated.

Then I paused in my rising frustration and thought rationally. I said, "This is one of those situations where I don't want any advice, I just want you to listen." He gave me an immediate hug and started listening attentively and sympathetically.

It's amazing how easy that was! I have to remember how effective this "communication" thing can be, when used properly.

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Comments
aiela From: aiela Date: August 23rd, 2006 11:18 pm (UTC) (Link)
*clap*

That's a difficult one for us, too. Great job on being able to express yourself before you got frustrated. :)
sherdeb From: sherdeb Date: August 24th, 2006 12:53 am (UTC) (Link)
Exactly! Yay, you!
ellison From: ellison Date: August 24th, 2006 02:13 am (UTC) (Link)
That's awesome! I love it when it works out like that. And wow, it is amazing how many times I have had this same conversation with girl friends of mine. It's funny how men and women do seem to have different modes when it comes to conversation, problem solver vs. just listening. It's interesting! And it's good when we can figure out ways to communicate our needs and have a better connection for it. So, that's very cool!
renniekins From: renniekins Date: August 25th, 2006 02:01 am (UTC) (Link)
Communication is key, yeah. Honestly I think we both use both modes of conversation -- that hard part is making sure we're both in the same mode at the same time. Funny how easy it was, when I simply ASKED!
jer_ From: jer_ Date: August 24th, 2006 05:25 am (UTC) (Link)
I was gonna ask if you tried that! :P

How cool, I'll have to try to remember that.. and more importantly, I'll have to try to remember that reaction when I'm busily trying to solve all the problems in the world when I could be listening. :)
jebra From: jebra Date: August 24th, 2006 05:46 am (UTC) (Link)
Well done, both of you. B-)
simplykimberly From: simplykimberly Date: August 24th, 2006 08:45 am (UTC) (Link)
Yay you, and yay him! And yay for the adorable icon, too :)
renniekins From: renniekins Date: August 25th, 2006 02:02 am (UTC) (Link)
(: Thanks, I'm very pleased with it.
rmeidaking From: rmeidaking Date: August 24th, 2006 10:44 am (UTC) (Link)
Good for him for being able to make the shift from Problem Solver to Listener. Too many guys I know can't get out of "I Have To Suggest A Solution Even To Problems I Know Nothing About" mode.
pi3832 From: pi3832 Date: August 24th, 2006 01:35 pm (UTC) (Link)
Too many guys I know can't get out of "I Have To Suggest A Solution Even To Problems I Know Nothing About" mode.

Have you ever *directly* asked them to stop and just listen? And hints don't count.
atdt1991 From: atdt1991 Date: August 24th, 2006 02:03 pm (UTC) (Link)
I know this might not be your personal experience, but I find that to be just as true with the women in my life as the men.
silver_bits From: silver_bits Date: August 24th, 2006 02:48 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm totally a chick that would prefer to have the answers to everyone elses problmes. Thankfully - all any of us needs (in a healthy relationship) is a little nudge into what the other person actually wants.
renniekins From: renniekins Date: August 25th, 2006 02:06 am (UTC) (Link)
I agree with you. I don't really think that it's a man/woman thing, especially since I frequently take a problem-solving attitude myself when people try to tell me something. I think it's really more about learning what the other person *wants*.... sometimes it's advice, sometimes just a pair of ears.
atdt1991 From: atdt1991 Date: August 25th, 2006 02:02 pm (UTC) (Link)
*nod nod* Really, though, even the most perceptive individual is going to do the wrong thing without some direction once in awhile. :) I'm pleased that you felt comfortable letting him know what your needs were - it gives me hope in any similar situations I might encounter. :)
From: tlatoani Date: August 24th, 2006 11:22 am (UTC) (Link)
A lot of us guys tend to do that unless we're snapped out of it.
From: tlatoani Date: August 24th, 2006 11:23 am (UTC) (Link)
(Which I should clarify definitely includes me.)
susmadel From: susmadel Date: August 24th, 2006 01:48 pm (UTC) (Link)
Go you! This whole communication thing is tough. I am working on it to, and it always amazes me when I just say what I want, and then ends up working out so much better than just getting mad. Does this we are maturing? :)
thatguychuck From: thatguychuck Date: August 24th, 2006 08:34 pm (UTC) (Link)
Three cheers for open communication! I've found that in life it's much easier when I simply ask for what I want and not assume the other person knows what I want.

Maturing? Heck if I know. I just know life is easier this way. :)
renniekins From: renniekins Date: August 25th, 2006 02:08 am (UTC) (Link)
Yes, me too, I am frequently surprised at how much simpler it is to ask for what I need/want. Yet it remains challenging!

Nah, we couldn't possibly be maturing... maybe we're just getting smarter. ;)
jeffreyab From: jeffreyab Date: August 24th, 2006 02:31 pm (UTC) (Link)
Sounds like you had a real Venus and Mars moment.

Glad Boy was able to switch modes.
nishar From: nishar Date: August 24th, 2006 06:25 pm (UTC) (Link)
You got a keeper there. He actually will try and listen to you.
greyyguy From: greyyguy Date: August 24th, 2006 06:52 pm (UTC) (Link)
Yeah- its interesting how men and women do that. Usually, women want to be heard, but men hear a problem to be solved. It takes some getting used to. And good for you in getting past that for you two!
renniekins From: renniekins Date: August 25th, 2006 02:09 am (UTC) (Link)
Actually I tend to be kind of a problem-solver and advice/giver myself, so I can at least recognize the desire....
thatguychuck From: thatguychuck Date: August 24th, 2006 08:41 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm glad you let me know. As a man, I generally/instinctively try to solve problems and help where I can. If I know that help is not desired, often I can simply listen and be there.

The conversation went great, and I hope what we were talking about has gotten much better.
renniekins From: renniekins Date: August 25th, 2006 02:12 am (UTC) (Link)
I'm glad I let you know also. It's such a simple thing, yet so easy to forget.

I know I tend to have a problem-solving/advice-giving conversational style also, so it's not just a man thing. Maybe it's just a human thing.... at any rate, learning to listen to each other and ask for what we need is a good thing. Let's do that more! (:
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