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Lobster the Crab - cellophane
the story of an invisible girl
renniekins
renniekins
Lobster the Crab
Quite some time ago, our project manager at work announced that he would start implementing "Pizza Cards". We work in two-week iterations, and each iteration involves a number of Story Cards which are expected to be completed during the time period. Then the manager decided to give us an incentive to try complete more than the anticipated workload.

He gave each team a few Pizza Cards along with their assigned story cards. If a team completes all the regular Story Cards and the Pizza Cards, he promised to buy them pizza.

He had already implemented this new process with the teams out of state, then he told my local three-person team about it. We all just shook our heads. "Those people settled for pizza? That's ridiculous, not nearly enough incentive. We want more. We'll take lobster."

The project manager protested, "You don't get to pick your prize. If you complete the extra cards, I'll buy you pizza."

We ignored him though, labeling our extra cards as "Lobster Cards" and always referring to them by name. Any time we completed any extra work, we told him that he owed us more lobster.

He never gave us any lobster though, and when the iteration was over he bought the other teams pizza. Every team had completed its extra cards, but we told him we didn't want any pizza. We would hold out for lobster.

Eventually he told us that we could have pizza or nothing. I spent some time searching the internet for pizza with lobster on it, but I didn't have much success. Eventually we settled for ordering a pizza from Buddy's, a very good local pizza place. The pizza was tasty, even if it wasn't our specified prize.

Next the manager tried to assign "Breakfast Cards", with the intention of buying bagels or some such if the extra cards were completed. We still refused to call them anything but Lobster Cards though.

Then came the day that Freefall, one of our Business Analysts, assigned us a complex task. My team spent two days working on it, and finally got it working. It was only after she tested it that she admitted that her initial specifications were completely wrong. The task we had completed was almost the opposite of what she'd actually wanted. It hadn't sounded correct, so we had clarified it with her several times, but she still told us the wrong details. Two days of work, completely wasted. And we still had to complete the correct task.

"No problem," we told her. "We can do it like you actually wanted, despite the fact that you lied to us. But you owe us a lot of lobster."

Freefall lives in Cleveland, but she was scheduled to visit our location to do some user-training. We told her that she would need to bring the lobster with her when she came up, so it would stay nice and fresh. We have a calendar on the wall, and one of my teammates, Irish, carefully drew a little picture of a lobster on the day she was supposed to come.

The release date changed, so the day of Freefall's visit changed a few times as well. Each time the date changed, Irish would carefully erase the original lobster and draw in a new one on the new date. The final lobster drawing was on today's date.

We've all been cheerfully looking forward to Lobster Day. We pictured Freefall driving up I-75, her car full of live lobsters skittering around the back seat. "I hope she's rubber-banded their claws," I remarked. "Save up your appetite!"

Today when I arrived at work, Irish gestured to a plastic box sitting on the desk. "We've got pets," he told me. It had a story card leaning against it that read, Lobster, anyone? I looked inside to find two shells. "They're a bit small though. I don't know how they are going to feed all three of us...."

Upon closer inspection, only one shell had an occupant. It had a Hermit Crab in it! I frowned in puzzlement at it. "Perhaps it's an hors d'oeuvre?"

But really the box was a plastic crabitat, with sand and water, a larger shell for it to grow into, and some little crab snacks scattered about. My team debated whether to sign off on the Lobster Card or not. "It's not a lobster... but it is a crustacean... there is only one... but it's the closest thing to a lobster than any of the other BAs have given us... maybe we should demand two more... but he's kind of cute...."

Eventually we decided to accept the card as complete, and we thanked Freefall for her trouble. So now we have a pet hermit crab, and we need to figure out how to take care of him!

We've named him Lobster.

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Comments
thinggtwoo From: thinggtwoo Date: October 3rd, 2006 11:41 pm (UTC) (Link)
ROTFLMAO!!! My daughter & I own 3 hermit crabs, so I will give you some links - you do have to be very careful that you watch both the temp and humidity with the crabbies, and possibly get another - they are VERY VERY social animals, and need more company, and MORE ROOM than the little plastic crabitat.

http://www.crabbytalk.com/

http://www.hermitcrabassociation.com/phpBB/index.php (<------ This is one of THE BEST sites out there)

http://www.hermit-crabs.com/care.html
ms_hecubus From: ms_hecubus Date: October 4th, 2006 06:32 am (UTC) (Link)
I second the hermit crab association!
ms_hecubus From: ms_hecubus Date: October 4th, 2006 06:37 am (UTC) (Link)
PS: Talk to me if you find you need additional supplies. I have a ton of stuff for hermit crabs that I no longer need. I still have crabs, but I've gotten more efficent with their set-up.
renniekins From: renniekins Date: January 2nd, 2007 05:31 am (UTC) (Link)
I Stumbled across this comment while reading my 2006 journal... so do you still have crab stuff you don't need? Lobster has a plastic box with sand in it, his crabitat. He lives in a coconut shell house, and he has a natural sponge we try to keep moist. We occasionally put little shrimps in his food shell, and water in his water shell, but we've seen no indication that he eats. He's still alive though, so he must be nourishing himself somehow.....

Any recommendations i'm open to, and if you ha ve anything to donate to a needy crab I'm interested!
ms_hecubus From: ms_hecubus Date: January 3rd, 2007 05:33 pm (UTC) (Link)
I still have the stuff and can get you set up. I'll pull everything together tomorrow and send you an email with details.
renniekins From: renniekins Date: January 5th, 2007 03:29 am (UTC) (Link)
Oh my gosh!!!!

I was about to reply to this comment with "never mind, it seems Lobster has met his demise".....
...but I was wrong! He was just molting!

I looked into his coconut to say farewell and he moved, nearly scaring the crap out of me because I thought he'd died yesterday! But hopefully he will finish molting and regrowing himself a new exoskeleton.

Too funny, and way weird! I put new water and food in there, hopefully he'll be okay now.
ms_hecubus From: ms_hecubus Date: January 5th, 2007 03:34 am (UTC) (Link)
I'm glad you sent me this reply because I totally forgot to get the stuff today! I'll make myself a note to get it gathered for you.
renniekins From: renniekins Date: January 5th, 2007 03:12 pm (UTC) (Link)
No worries, Lobster is adaquately supplied. But if you have something sitting around unused, it couldn't hurt.

But whenever it's convenient for you. (:
From: (Anonymous) Date: October 3rd, 2006 11:41 pm (UTC) (Link)
Much more amusing than "No, pizza or nothing.". So, I would imagine, it was much more appreciated.
greyyguy From: greyyguy Date: October 4th, 2006 01:13 am (UTC) (Link)
So if you have lobster cards in the future, won't Lobster get worried that he is going to become a snack?
jer_ From: jer_ Date: October 4th, 2006 01:35 am (UTC) (Link)
Hi-larious!!!!
devnul From: devnul Date: October 4th, 2006 02:19 am (UTC) (Link)
Hee-hee! Time to get your pet its own companion — a stick of butter. :)

So, what's lobster like out there? Living just down the road from Maine, I would imagine my perspective on lobster is not the same as yours!
encorecrazay From: encorecrazay Date: October 4th, 2006 03:14 am (UTC) (Link)
Be happy your project manager didn't get you this http://www.parkdalenovelty.com/popup.php?rec=379
dagibbs From: dagibbs Date: October 4th, 2006 04:15 am (UTC) (Link)
*snicker*

And O-T -- climbing Saturday afternoon???
ellison From: ellison Date: October 4th, 2006 05:25 am (UTC) (Link)
Haha! That is an awesome story!!
retepsnave From: retepsnave Date: October 4th, 2006 12:43 pm (UTC) (Link)
:-)

thanks for the laughs... what a funny story-

someday I hope that you guys get to snack on the real thing!
operatic From: operatic Date: October 4th, 2006 05:28 pm (UTC) (Link)
*heh!*

(All they had to do was go to one of those bait & tackle shops [with live bait]; I'd think some crawfish would fit the bill. ;) [They're fun additions to an aquarium, although you have to keep the top closed, or they'll go "exploring".])
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