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Oh well. - cellophane
the story of an invisible girl
renniekins
renniekins
Oh well.
I think I've resigned myself. I'm okay again, and although I still hope I stumble across the darn earring, I realize I probably won't. Oh well, I have to remind myself, it's just a thing, and even though it represented something more to me, it remains just an object.

The problem is: the little things like that are all I have left of S; they are finite in number and irreplaceable. But I have to remember they are still just material things. Even if all of them disappear, I won't forget him in my head. Even as the memories fade, and nothing can take away what we shared, or the fact that we loved one another. But I have to live in the present of course. And my life right now, while different than I had envisioned it two years ago, is a very good one. Losing something from my past brings up vivid memories of past pain, and it's kind of like losing him all over again, but it is still only the past after all. Sometimes it's hard to remember that.

Anyway, just thinking through my fingers a little bit. Guess that's what these journal thingies are for, eh? A friend at work suggested that maybe this happened to remind me of S a little bit, make me think of him, and remember what we shared. And that's not such a bad thing really. (Although I'd still like my earring back God, now that I've learned my lesson, please?)

Current Mood: Better now
Current Music: Memories fade but the scars still linger, by Tears For Fears

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Comments
guingel From: guingel Date: November 14th, 2001 03:34 pm (UTC) (Link)
That's a good way of thinking, a very good idea. I still wish you luck finding it though.
renniekins From: renniekins Date: November 14th, 2001 08:47 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks....I'm still keeping my fingers crossed. And I still keep looking around. Who knows, it could be somewhere findable still. I sure hope so. But I know I'm okay, either way, which is a very "strengthening" kind of feeling, if that makes sense.
guingel From: guingel Date: November 15th, 2001 03:33 am (UTC) (Link)
It makes a lot of sense. You know, on some odd, semi-subconscious level, I keep feeling that my redoing my sketchbook will help you find this, which is much more important. . . I dunno. I'm a strange child.
renniekins From: renniekins Date: November 15th, 2001 09:06 am (UTC) (Link)

Re:

Hey, I'm willing to hope for help from Magical Coincidences, why not? Hope is a powerfully feathered thing after all, and the universe links itself together in strange ways.

It sure would be great to have it again; my ear feels so naked. There's even a white circle where it was; apparently my ear has a faint tan line. *sigh*
read 4 comments | talk to me!