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Again - cellophane
the story of an invisible girl
renniekins
renniekins
Again
Another year, another anniversary, and I feel repetitive. But still, I think he should be formally remembered once a year. Informally, it's more frequent than that. (But not every day, not all the time. Just one part of my past, not every part of my past. He was my fiance once upon a time. He left more dramatically than most, and I love his memory, but he remains past not present.)

S.M.L.      June 29, 1970 - July 6, 1999



I still remember.

An excerpt from Demian, by Herman Hesse
"And she told me about a youth who had fallen in love with a planet. He stood by the sea, stretched out his arms and prayed to the planet, dreamed of it, and directed all his thoughts to it. But he knew, or felt he knew, that a star cannot be embraced by a human being. He considered it to be his fate to love a heavenly body without any hope of fulfillment and out of this insight he constructed an entire philosophy of renunciation and silent, faithful suffering that would improve and purify him. Yet all his dreams reached the planet. Once he stood again on the high cliff at night by the sea and gazed at the planet and burned with love for it. And at the height of his longing he leaped into the emptiness toward the planet, but at the instant of leaping "it's impossible" flashed once more through his mind. There he lay on the shore, shattered. He had not understood how to love. If at the instant of leaping he had had the strength of faith in the fulfillment of his love he would have soared into the heights and been united with the star."

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Comments
specialagentm From: specialagentm Date: July 6th, 2007 04:18 pm (UTC) (Link)
I remember too. :-(
aiela From: aiela Date: July 6th, 2007 04:37 pm (UTC) (Link)
Hugs to you today, and every day.
hannunvaakuna From: hannunvaakuna Date: July 6th, 2007 05:15 pm (UTC) (Link)
*hug*
cjdoyle From: cjdoyle Date: July 6th, 2007 05:58 pm (UTC) (Link)
I just wanted to thank you for these remembrances; I can only imagine how difficult they are to post. But every year I'm reminded forcefully to cherish those around me, for one can never know when they'll no longer be a part of my life. It's a sobering perspective, but one I'm grateful for.

So....thank you.
guysterrules From: guysterrules Date: July 6th, 2007 06:43 pm (UTC) (Link)
Steve is a terrifically handsome guy. I'm so sorry that the world, and you especially, lost him.
thatguychuck From: thatguychuck Date: July 6th, 2007 07:09 pm (UTC) (Link)
Hugs, Rennie.
jeffreyab From: jeffreyab Date: July 6th, 2007 07:44 pm (UTC) (Link)
A very good quote.



sherdeb From: sherdeb Date: July 6th, 2007 09:04 pm (UTC) (Link)
I *love* Hesse.

*hugs*
anderale From: anderale Date: July 6th, 2007 09:04 pm (UTC) (Link)
It sounds like you have gotten to a healthy place mentally/emotionally with this memory and it is nice that you continue to honor him in this way.
simplykimberly From: simplykimberly Date: July 7th, 2007 08:14 pm (UTC) (Link)
(hugs) I read the whole thing, again. It's weird, for sure, how it starts feeling like someone else's life, while still seeming totally like your own, isn't it?

((hugs)) be gentle with yourself - you deserve it.
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