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Fingernails of Justice - cellophane
the story of an invisible girl
renniekins
renniekins
Fingernails of Justice
"You've got something black on your nail," my colleague told me at work this morning.

"Yeah, it's an embellishment." I showed him my fancy-looking fingernails. "They're fakes, I put them on last night. See, a couple of them have little swirly decorations...."

"Are you practicing for the wedding?"

"Exactly. I didn't do a very good job though. See, these ones are crooked. But I think the ones I didn't mess up look pretty good though. Like these fingers here, and this one, do you think they look okay?"

"You're asking a guy?"

"Sure," another guy chimed in, "doesn't your wife ask you if she looks nice?"

"Of course, and I just say 'it's perfect dear'...."

"Well there you go," I told him. "Just say that to me. Not the ones that are crooked of course...."

"You're always going to be more critical of your own work than anyone else is. They look nice, I was just surprised to see you all manicured. It doesn't look like 'you'."

"I know! I generally have little stubby nails. My normal nails are... ugh... they're....."

"They're working hands," he offered.

"Exactly. Yes, that's it exactly. But I want them to look fancy for the wedding, so I decided to buy a bunch of fake nails and try them out. See if I can tolerate them. So far they look really pretty, but they're driving me crazy!"

Our conversation drifted back to work-related topics, after he teased me that they were hampering my typing ability. Which was true... they do! They get in the way -- I feel like I've decided to cripple myself, in a way. Why would I intentionally impair my hands with something artificial? (Oh right, because they look lovely.)

Not that these are that long; in fact the package says "Petites Real Short", and they are the smallest ones I could find. They are Smaller Nails For Smaller Hands, and they are in a French Manicure style. That means that the tips are white, and the rest of the nail is kind of, um, nail-colored. They are supposed to look natural, just a much prettier version of natural than my nails are capable of.

The ones that came our right are glossy and glamorous-looking. They don't look ridiculously long, in fact they are shorter than many women's nails I've seen. They just look a lot finer than my hands generally look.

I have working hands, with beat-up soft little nails, and I'm not ashamed of that fact, because I do indeed work with my hands. After a day of typing, pulling things out of my pockets, texting, and changing the kitty litter when I got home this evening, three nails had already come off.

I have learned a few things in this adventure. One, when you try to re-glue the nail back on it doesn't look as nice as the first time. Two, the "nail glue" is really super glue and if you accidentally glue your fingers together, you may end up tearing some skin. Three, even the "really short" nails are a little long, but if I pull out the smaller pieces they are fairly comfortable.

However the most important thing I learned is that the drugstore stick-on nails look really nice, if I can get the right size and not put it on crooked. And not get glue all over my fingers. With a little more practice, I can have glamorous wedding fingers after all!

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Comments
From: zencuppa Date: November 16th, 2010 01:55 pm (UTC) (Link)

Fake nails, etc.

Ummm Your posting brings back a memory of when I married Jim Y. years ago in a fancy wedding dress, with a large, socially rather HUGE wedding party. I had french nails done at a hair salon.

That night I just about went nuts when I couldn't get my contacts out, or undo my dress because I wasn't used to longer nails. I ended contacting the hotel front desk for nail polish remover to soak my nails to get them off. So my suggestion is..Don't wear fake nails, just let your nails grow a *little* longer and have a manicure done the day before :-)

Andrea
fachless From: fachless Date: November 16th, 2010 08:53 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Fake nails, etc.

I vote for this as well. I tried them this spring/summer. I don't think that I'll do it again. They looked okay, but typing was a PAIN! It took more than 2 months for my finger nails to grow out after I took the nails off. And believe me, they are a MESS after you have acrylics on. I didn't really believe that part before. Now I do.

I think that you should do your best to grow them and have a manicure done. How many finger nail shots are you going to have, anyway?
renniekins From: renniekins Date: November 18th, 2010 01:08 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: Fake nails, etc.

Yeah, typing is challenging in what's left of my fake nails! These aren't even very long... they are the shortest I could find. All I want is nails long enough that they cover my fingertip, so when you look at my hand you just see fingers with french tips at the top, not fingers with little nail disks in the middle (if that makes any sense).

I don't think I want acrylics. I tried those once years ago, and found they were too much work to put on, and too annoying to deal with afterward. What I posted about was just drug-store glue-on fake nails, and honestly they came out looking pretty nice - at least the ones that I didn't do crooked. What would be ideal is if I could go to a nail salon and just have them glue the fakes on nicely for me. I wonder if somebody would do that?

I don't imagine I'll have many fingernail shots, but I also love how elegant my hands look with manicured nails! I just feel so "fancy" whenever they catch my eyes, and I want to feel that way wedding-day.

Unfortunately my real nails are really soft, and whenever I try to grow them they bend backwards, tear, and do other unpleasant such things. I'd rather have fake nails for a couple of days, rather than try to do something more long-term.
renniekins From: renniekins Date: November 18th, 2010 12:57 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: Fake nails, etc.

Oh my gosh! That's so sad, yet funny.....

This is why I'm experimenting with it practicing before the wedding day. I definitely don't want my nails overly long, because I wouldn't know how to function. The length of these fake nails I got is tolerable though, not too crazy long. All I want is nails that are long enough so that my fingertip isn't longer than the nail itself.

Unfortunately my real nails are really soft, and whenever I try to grow them they bend backwards, tear, and do other unpleasant such things. I'd rather have fake nails for a couple of days, rather than try to do something more long-term.
ms_hecubus From: ms_hecubus Date: November 16th, 2010 03:01 pm (UTC) (Link)
I used to buy little girls size fake nails to find ones that fit my fingers. I got into putting on acrylics for a while years and years ago. You get much better results with real ones from the beauty supply store, but they're a lot more work to get right.
renniekins From: renniekins Date: November 18th, 2010 01:14 am (UTC) (Link)
Hmmm.... I should look at the girls ones, maybe those will fit nicer! These "very short" ones are mostly the right size, but only mostly.
tammylc From: tammylc Date: November 16th, 2010 09:16 pm (UTC) (Link)
If you want nice nails for your wedding, i'd suggest going to a salon and getting some acrylics or gels for the occasion. It'll be a little more expensive, but you won't have to worry about popping anything off. I've got a great nail person in Ann Arbor I can recommend to you if you want!
renniekins From: renniekins Date: November 18th, 2010 01:13 am (UTC) (Link)
I'm not sure I want acrylics, I tried those once before and they were a pain. (Took forever to attach, plus the person didn't believe me when I said I wanted them really short so they were getting in my way, then when I was tired of them they took forever to go away) Plus I think they'd be a disaster on my adventure honeymoon. Really I just want beautiful nails for a couple of days - but it's true I don't want to worry about the fake ones popping off, either.

Do you think your nail person would be willing to just glue on some fake nails for me, so I wouldn't worry about getting any crooked?
tammylc From: tammylc Date: November 19th, 2010 01:01 pm (UTC) (Link)
She probably wouldn't glue on the fake nails, but I could ask. And I agree that acrylics wouldn't bode well for your adventure honeymoon. I think as long as you have someone not you (like a bridesmaid or mother or something) glue on your fake nails that will avoid the crooked problem.
estarsign From: estarsign Date: November 18th, 2010 01:03 am (UTC) (Link)
I remember one time when I was a teenager, I went to this halloween party and this girl there dressed as the bride of frankenstein. She had these insanely long fake nails. I think these things were seriously 3 inches long. She looked very impressive in her costumage.

Shortly after arriving at the party she excused herself to use the bathroom and her boyfriend got up to go with her which met with many puzzled expressions until the couple explained that she needed assistance due to her fingernails.

This story brought up two thoughts for me:

1. I don't care how cool the costume looks, if I can't pee solo it's not the costume for me.

2. You have to be a pretty dedicated boyfriend to go wipe your girlfriend so she can wear some crazy fake nails for halloween.
renniekins From: renniekins Date: November 18th, 2010 01:13 am (UTC) (Link)
Ack, that's insane!!!
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