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The Horse-Drawer - cellophane — LiveJournal
the story of an invisible girl
The Horse-Drawer
Yesterday, while bored at a meeting, I drew a clumsy sketch of a horse's head on my meeting agenda. I've always liked horses, even though I'm not that great at drawing them.

When I was young, I knew a little girl who loved to draw horses. She was very good at it too: she could draw horses in all kinds of angles and lifelike poses. She was amazing. I learned all my horse-drawing techniques from watching her. To this day, when I occasionally am inspired for some reason to draw a horse, I draw it using the same style she always used. When we were in middle school, we did a group project which involved illustrating page after page of a long storybook about horses. She drew all the horses. My job was mostly to draw backgrounds, and occasionally to color things in. In one frame, I tried to make it look like a horse she'd drawn was casting a horse-shaped shadow, but she disapproved because I didn't do it very well.

When we were even younger, in elementary school, she came to one of my birthday parties, a sleepover. Huddled in her sleeping bag, she sat on the stone hearth in my mother's family room and read aloud to all of us from Watership Down. I will forever associate those rabbits with her, since she introduced me to them.

When we were in high school, she became bitter, withdrawn, and a little "punk". I was quiet and shy....but I still thought of her as my friend, even though we didn't talk much. I do remember that one day she told me, "Go sit by Ann, it'll driver her crazy because she hates you." I spent a full year thinking Ann hated me, until one day I was seated behind her in a class and discovered that she actually did still like me. I still don't know why she'd said that to me, whether it was a joke or meant to hurt -- or both.

When we graduated, we went our separate ways. I'm told in college she came out as a lesbian, and she spent those 4 years even more bitter and angry. To me though, in my head, she remained the little girl who drew horses and read about rabbits at my birthday party. She was a childhood friend.

At my 10-year high school reunion a few years back, I saw her again. I greeted her enthusiastically with a hug. She politely hugged back, but seemed stiff. As I started to ask how she was doing and what she was up to, my attention was distracted momentarily by somebody else. When I looked back at her a second later, she was gone, had walked away without a word.

I guess my memories of our childhoods are very different than hers. But I still think of her sometimes, when I draw horses.
read 4 comments | talk to me!
simplykimberly From: simplykimberly Date: February 5th, 2003 07:37 pm (UTC) (Link)

great story

I read it twice, it just was a really good read. That's one of those short-essay type thingees that people compile into ... um ... compilations of short-essay type thingees.

I'm clearly screwy in the head. Don't mind me. I liked the story though - thanks for sharing :)
renniekins From: renniekins Date: February 5th, 2003 09:38 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: great story

hahahaha! Thanks for making me laugh, and thanks very much for the compliment...I'm glad you liked it!
cannibal From: cannibal Date: February 6th, 2003 09:30 am (UTC) (Link)
Darn. Sounds like she could've grown up into a decent human being. Isn't it funny, how so many children are basically decent, and lose that somewhere along the way?

Although I expected your post to be about the drawer you have full of drawings of horses, plastic ponies, horseshoes, etc.

Where did I see that comic, was it Boat Anchor, where the girl visualizes "a million dollars and a pony!" as the perfect reward?
renniekins From: renniekins Date: February 6th, 2003 12:12 pm (UTC) (Link)
Yes, sad. I'm hoping she'll still become one. I know there's that potential in her. Who knows, it may have even happened. After all, I didn't actually speak to her long enough to find out otherwise. *shrug* Just kind of a weird encounter.

Funny, I didn't even think about the more traditional meaning/pronunciation for the word "drawer"! I was so fixated on "one who draws". Plastic ponies...heehee...now that was a long time ago.

I don't know, I don't think I remember it. Sounds like a lovely reward though!
read 4 comments | talk to me!