alpaca princess (renniekins) wrote,
alpaca princess

Nobody's Girl

It was the icon that first caught my eye. Blue and white, with squares that appeared and disappeared (oh how I dislike moving icons), and stars in the background. "jeff's girl", it loudly proclaimed in slanted writing across the middle. It was a post in a community I belong to. Then I glanced at her username....jeffsgirl. Then I clicked on her user info page. There too, her name was identified as "Jeff's Girl". Her Yahoo id was even "jeffscuddletoy"!

I shook my head. I wanted to reach through the ones and zeros and shake the shoulders of this little girl. "You're a person in your own right!" I wanted to tell her. "You have an identity all your own! Be proud of who you are; don't just be proud of belonging to somebody else!"

(But I didn't. I don't think my point would have gotten across, and I probably would have just upset and/or offended her. So I clicked quietly away from her friends-only journal, leaving her in peace. I also changed her name in this post, so as not to accidentally offend her.)

It made me somewhat sad though, in the same way that cheerleading makes me sad. (Don't just cheer for other people, get out there and do something yourself!) It made me sad, in the same way that women who call themselves "Mrs. John Doe" make me sad. (You have your own first name, you know!)

I have a problem with the idea of giving up my identity, my self-pride. I have no problem with love, nor even marriage.... I think the idea of twining my life with another person is a beautiful thing. But I don't think that either individual should lose his or her Self in the process.

It bothers me, to see this girl submerging herself so completely in a guy that she identifies herself only through her connectedness to him.
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