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Walking, Dream Cruise, and Friends - cellophane — LiveJournal
the story of an invisible girl
Walking, Dream Cruise, and Friends
At first I just wanted stamps. I thought my need for stamps would lead nicely into a long walk, as the post office is around 1.5 miles away from my house. So I put on a tank top, hat, and sunglasses, I tucked some stuff into a bag, and I set off.

I got my stamps, mailed my letter, and then I started strolling about downtown. I was a little hungry and thirsty, so I stopped by a Lebanese restaurant for a fresh-squeezed juice. I selected an orange and carrot mix. This I discovered from my sister-in-law. It would never have occurred to me to mix these two items, their only similarity being their color, but they actually taste good together. Plus, you feel incredibly healthy drinking it.

Sipping my juice, continuing my stroll, I decided I was close enough to the Woodward Dream Cruise that it was silly not to go, even if it was the opposite direction from my house. The weather was nice and sunny, almost everybody had their power back, moods were cheerful, and the cruise was in full swing. Classic cars, muscle cars, and people were everywhere.

I perched on the curb for awhile and watched the cars drift by. A couple of mustangs were hanging back from the cars in front of them, so they could burn rubber in catching up. It was loud, and smoke plumed out from behind them. At first the loud noises annoyed me, but then I saw everybody else cheering them on, and I realized it was all in the spirt of the day. People were hanging out of their windows, talking to strangers, laughing, admiring cars. I walked north for about a mile, looking at some of the parked cars and the displays, watching the cars cruising.

Eventually, my feet getting tired, I decided it was time to head home. I probably walked 6 or 7 miles, altogether! I walked back the way I'd come. I was peaceful, but feeling a little bit pensive and lonely. Last year I'd done this same long walk with C, and we'd checked out the dream cruise together. It felt a little sad and strange to be doing it by myself. I know I could have gotten ahold of one of my other friends, I could have made plans of some sort with somebody, but instead I spent the day alone. I like doing things by myself, and the idea of being social with somebody seemed like more work than I wanted to face. But at the same time, I felt isolated and lonely. Strange, that I often put myself in these situations. I am not good at leaning on the people I love and who love me.

I got home, and I talked to C briefly; he had called while I was out. He was nearby, had been Cruising himself, and was getting ready to go to a party. The party was one to which I had been invited as well. It was given by a...friend. A friend of his? A mutual friend? A friend of mine? Hard to say. I met her through him, in fact I met the entire group of people who were going to be there through him. However I have known them now for around 3 years, and I like them too! They like me; we are friends. But I felt a little weird and awkward about going. For one thing, I'm shy, and it would be hard going alone. For another thing, they were "his friends first".

Who gets the friends, when you break up? A classic conundrum. I certainly don't have any desire to try to take his friends away. Ultimately, I'd like it to not be an issue, for us all to simply be friends and enjoy one another's company. But I don't think we're there yet. It's too soon, too raw, and we don't know how to behave around one another yet. It's confusing, complicated, and it tends to make one or both of us sad and uncomfortable.

I didn't want either of us to be sad or uncomfortable, so I decided to stay home. I took a shower, put on comfy clothes, and started to watch Pride and Prejudice on my ReplayTV. I also drifted about the house, checking email, talking for awhile on the phone to B, that sort of thing. It's great to be able to pause my television!

It was almost midnight, I think, when the phone rang. My first thought was that it was probably him. But it wasn't. It was Sh, one of the girls at the party, and she was shouting into the phone, "He's gone! Come over!" At first I tried to pretend I didn't know what she was talking about, but that was just silly of course. "People are asking about you, we want to see you!" she continued with drunken enthusiasm. "They are calling your name!" I heard a few people in the background obligingly begin to chant my name. She didn't really give me an opportunity to say no, and I didn't really want to. I was too flattered and pleased that they were thinking of me! So she gave me directions, and I assured her I'd be there.

I changed into still-comfy-but-presentable clothing, brushed my hair, and drove over. I hate going to parties by myself, but with that kind of invitation how could I refuse? The hardest part is actually entering the house alone. I hate that moment of being the outsider, intruding into a happy gathering, searching for a familiar face. But when I pulled up, two of my friends were standing on the porch. They greeted me with enthusiasm and hugs, and we all walked in together. I was given many hugs, and people told me they were glad I came. I was glad I came. Yes they were his friends first, and they still care about him very much, but that didn't stop them from caring about me too. It was wonderful, after my quiet and lonely day, to find myself in the end surrounded by friends who love me.

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tammylc From: tammylc Date: August 17th, 2003 10:08 am (UTC) (Link)
This group seems to cope better than many at dealing with couples who've broken up. Please continue to come to parties and events - you have your own identity and place within the group, and we would all miss you.
renniekins From: renniekins Date: August 17th, 2003 12:41 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks for the encouragement; it means a lot to me.
From: nicegeek Date: August 17th, 2003 10:18 pm (UTC) (Link)
You said it, Tammy!
guingel From: guingel Date: August 17th, 2003 12:14 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm glad things worked out :)
renniekins From: renniekins Date: August 17th, 2003 12:42 pm (UTC) (Link)
Me too...thanks!
mindgames4one From: mindgames4one Date: August 17th, 2003 12:30 pm (UTC) (Link)

Now THAT'S what I like to see!!

People acting like ADULTS and handling situations like this with dignity, thoughtful consideration and love.

Now you better know your place with them, as it was DISTINCTLY pointed out to you, and you won't be afraid to pop in to future gatherings...maybe you can make prior arrangements to appear with some of the other "regulars" to avoid the solo entrance.

I'm very happy for you.
renniekins From: renniekins Date: August 20th, 2003 08:25 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: Now THAT'S what I like to see!!

Thanks very much. It's very hard, but we're trying to handle everything gracefully.

That's a good point, making arrangements ahead of time in the future. Good idea!
behindthefool From: behindthefool Date: August 17th, 2003 12:51 pm (UTC) (Link)
What nice friends! It must have been so nice to know that they were thinking of you and caring enough to take the awkwardness out of the whole thing for you. It couldn't have turned out better.
renniekins From: renniekins Date: August 20th, 2003 08:26 am (UTC) (Link)
Yeah, it was totally uplifting!
mrdisco99 From: mrdisco99 Date: August 17th, 2003 02:51 pm (UTC) (Link)
It's posts like these that keep me reading.

You've got a great set of friends there.

encorecrazay From: encorecrazay Date: August 17th, 2003 03:32 pm (UTC) (Link)
Now you can have the fun of being at the party he's at, talk to other women he's "dated", and cause him to to be paranoid. Plus, now, they're your friends too, it doesn't matter who had them "first". Glad you had a good time yesterday in all the things you did.
juliebata From: juliebata Date: August 17th, 2003 04:02 pm (UTC) (Link)

I truly envy you...

The fella I dated, Tom, had some really cool friends, who I was enjoying getting to know and spend time with. They were new and interesting people who I really liked. When Tom broke up with me, I was completely rejected by them. They embraced his new girlfriend like I never existed, and few things in my life have ever hurt more.
renniekins From: renniekins Date: August 20th, 2003 08:27 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: I truly envy you...

I'm sorry to hear that. There's been a lot of times when I've met the friends of somebody I've been dating, and then never seen them again too.... It's hard, especially when they're fun and interesting people! *hugs*
netmouse From: netmouse Date: August 18th, 2003 02:12 pm (UTC) (Link)


We like you for you, miss Rennie "I only model hats" kins.

I never understood people who would revile their exes and cut themselves off from them. Out of all my exes, there is only one of whom I am not still very fond (and there were serious abuse and manipulation and lying issues in that relationship). I am very pleased to see you and C both expressing how much you still care about each other and I wish you luck getting through the hurt and maintaining the friendship.

Hoping to dance with you more in the future,

renniekins From: renniekins Date: August 20th, 2003 08:35 am (UTC) (Link)
Thanks Anne!!! It's really great to have so much support in this, and it's great to know I still have friends. It's not easy, ending such a long and close relationship. Even when I know it's the right thing, it's hard, because I still love him very much.

I don't have a lot of ex's, and even fewer that I'm still in contact with. Still, there is nobody that I don't at least have fond memories of.

Speaking of fond memories, the Stitch Ballet was a wonderful dance, and I look forward to its eventual sequel!
jeffreyab From: jeffreyab Date: August 18th, 2003 05:19 pm (UTC) (Link)
Glad that I instigated your invitation.

Never let "But they were his friends first" stop you from maintaining friendships.

Friends are friends no matter how you make them.

Besides C's Ex's is a pretty big group.
renniekins From: renniekins Date: August 20th, 2003 08:35 am (UTC) (Link)
Yes, thank you for that. (:
jeffreyab From: jeffreyab Date: August 20th, 2003 10:15 am (UTC) (Link)
Yes you certainly add to a social occasion.

Did you know Amherst College was the number one Liberal Arts College in the US News and World Report poll of 2002?
renniekins From: renniekins Date: August 20th, 2003 10:49 am (UTC) (Link)
Doesn't surprise me, although I don't really follow those reports. Amherst has almost always been in the top 3, and is often #1. I know it was my freshman year...it was a pretty cool feeling, going to the best liberal arts college in the nation.
From: traceyb Date: August 18th, 2003 08:05 pm (UTC) (Link)


party girl:) I'm glad that you have nice friends like that! It's good that you can check out your life but not become to introverted. If that makes any sense?

renniekins From: renniekins Date: August 20th, 2003 08:38 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: yay!

I think so....I do have a tendancy toward excessive introversion sometimes. Fortunately I also catch myself at it, and occasionally I force myself into social situations to make up for it. And occasionally social situations find me...I am lucky to have the friends that I do.
cannibal From: cannibal Date: August 19th, 2003 12:49 pm (UTC) (Link)
Hmm. Should I have made it more clear that you were welcome to go to the party, as far as I was concerned? I didn't really know what to say. Y thought I might've made you feel bad.

I specifically asked Sh if K was going to be at the party, cause I wasn't gonna go if she was there, I hope she didn't think I meant you!

Glad you felt good about everything, in the end. Hugs.
jeffreyab From: jeffreyab Date: August 19th, 2003 03:06 pm (UTC) (Link)
What's with the K phobia?
cannibal From: cannibal Date: August 19th, 2003 06:29 pm (UTC) (Link)
She's a shithead, and I'd rather not go anyplace that would allow her sort.
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