alpaca princess (renniekins) wrote,
alpaca princess
renniekins

Walking, Dream Cruise, and Friends

At first I just wanted stamps. I thought my need for stamps would lead nicely into a long walk, as the post office is around 1.5 miles away from my house. So I put on a tank top, hat, and sunglasses, I tucked some stuff into a bag, and I set off.

I got my stamps, mailed my letter, and then I started strolling about downtown. I was a little hungry and thirsty, so I stopped by a Lebanese restaurant for a fresh-squeezed juice. I selected an orange and carrot mix. This I discovered from my sister-in-law. It would never have occurred to me to mix these two items, their only similarity being their color, but they actually taste good together. Plus, you feel incredibly healthy drinking it.

Sipping my juice, continuing my stroll, I decided I was close enough to the Woodward Dream Cruise that it was silly not to go, even if it was the opposite direction from my house. The weather was nice and sunny, almost everybody had their power back, moods were cheerful, and the cruise was in full swing. Classic cars, muscle cars, and people were everywhere.

I perched on the curb for awhile and watched the cars drift by. A couple of mustangs were hanging back from the cars in front of them, so they could burn rubber in catching up. It was loud, and smoke plumed out from behind them. At first the loud noises annoyed me, but then I saw everybody else cheering them on, and I realized it was all in the spirt of the day. People were hanging out of their windows, talking to strangers, laughing, admiring cars. I walked north for about a mile, looking at some of the parked cars and the displays, watching the cars cruising.

Eventually, my feet getting tired, I decided it was time to head home. I probably walked 6 or 7 miles, altogether! I walked back the way I'd come. I was peaceful, but feeling a little bit pensive and lonely. Last year I'd done this same long walk with C, and we'd checked out the dream cruise together. It felt a little sad and strange to be doing it by myself. I know I could have gotten ahold of one of my other friends, I could have made plans of some sort with somebody, but instead I spent the day alone. I like doing things by myself, and the idea of being social with somebody seemed like more work than I wanted to face. But at the same time, I felt isolated and lonely. Strange, that I often put myself in these situations. I am not good at leaning on the people I love and who love me.

I got home, and I talked to C briefly; he had called while I was out. He was nearby, had been Cruising himself, and was getting ready to go to a party. The party was one to which I had been invited as well. It was given by a...friend. A friend of his? A mutual friend? A friend of mine? Hard to say. I met her through him, in fact I met the entire group of people who were going to be there through him. However I have known them now for around 3 years, and I like them too! They like me; we are friends. But I felt a little weird and awkward about going. For one thing, I'm shy, and it would be hard going alone. For another thing, they were "his friends first".

Who gets the friends, when you break up? A classic conundrum. I certainly don't have any desire to try to take his friends away. Ultimately, I'd like it to not be an issue, for us all to simply be friends and enjoy one another's company. But I don't think we're there yet. It's too soon, too raw, and we don't know how to behave around one another yet. It's confusing, complicated, and it tends to make one or both of us sad and uncomfortable.

I didn't want either of us to be sad or uncomfortable, so I decided to stay home. I took a shower, put on comfy clothes, and started to watch Pride and Prejudice on my ReplayTV. I also drifted about the house, checking email, talking for awhile on the phone to B, that sort of thing. It's great to be able to pause my television!

It was almost midnight, I think, when the phone rang. My first thought was that it was probably him. But it wasn't. It was Sh, one of the girls at the party, and she was shouting into the phone, "He's gone! Come over!" At first I tried to pretend I didn't know what she was talking about, but that was just silly of course. "People are asking about you, we want to see you!" she continued with drunken enthusiasm. "They are calling your name!" I heard a few people in the background obligingly begin to chant my name. She didn't really give me an opportunity to say no, and I didn't really want to. I was too flattered and pleased that they were thinking of me! So she gave me directions, and I assured her I'd be there.

I changed into still-comfy-but-presentable clothing, brushed my hair, and drove over. I hate going to parties by myself, but with that kind of invitation how could I refuse? The hardest part is actually entering the house alone. I hate that moment of being the outsider, intruding into a happy gathering, searching for a familiar face. But when I pulled up, two of my friends were standing on the porch. They greeted me with enthusiasm and hugs, and we all walked in together. I was given many hugs, and people told me they were glad I came. I was glad I came. Yes they were his friends first, and they still care about him very much, but that didn't stop them from caring about me too. It was wonderful, after my quiet and lonely day, to find myself in the end surrounded by friends who love me.
Tags: dating, friends
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