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the story of an invisible girl
Quiet Time
Today I walked across the street to the new sandwich shop and bought myself a chicken salad sub for lunch. I walked back to my office building, then I sat in the sun on a bench and ate half my sub. It was warm, and the sky was blue, and I wondered why on earth I eat at my desk so often. It only took me a half hour, and it was very rejuvenating.

I had a really nice weekend, with the almost exactly correct amounts of relaxing, productivity, and time with friends and family. I was fed grilled hamburgers 2 of the 4 nights, and I went out dancing on another. I laundered a lot of clothes, organized pictures, did some writing, did some reading, caught up on my sleep, and watched my ReplayTV.

The only sad part about the weekend was that it had to end so quickly: even though it was four whole days, it didn't seem long enough. I wish I was still enjoying it.

I've been in a pretty quiet mood recently. Despite lots of thoughts running through my head, I haven't actually written much in my journal at all. I haven't even responded to the many (wonderfully helpful!) comments and advice I received regarding my woeful lack of a fashion sense. (Thank you guys, you're truly awesome. I'll be responding eventually, really, I will!) I haven't chatted much with my coworkers. I haven't been calling my friends. When I've actually gotten together with people I've had a great time, and I've been pretty social...but I haven't actively tried to go out or anything, and I've spent a lot of time at home alone.

B called me on the phone last night, and he asked me if I was okay. We haven't conversed much recently, and when we do, I just haven't been very talkative or enthusiastic. I'm fine, I really am, I'm just....a bit quiet. Sometimes I have lots to say. Sometimes I'd rather just sit peacefully somewhere and not say much at all. Perhaps I'll have more to say later.
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guingel From: guingel Date: September 4th, 2003 03:35 am (UTC) (Link)
I'm glad to hear that things are going so well :) I was wondering if things were ok when you were silent for so long, but I'm probably the last person to criticize people for not writing enough ;) It's just that I'm a worrywart. Anyway, it sounds like you had a lovely weekend!
renniekins From: renniekins Date: September 4th, 2003 01:42 pm (UTC) (Link)
aw, thanks for worrying, that's sweet! Yep, I'm doing okay, just a little withdrawn these days. It happens sometimes.

Hope you're doing great too!
guingel From: guingel Date: September 4th, 2003 03:39 pm (UTC) (Link)
Yes indeed--it's not a bad thing to be withdrawn, I just have a way overactive imagination and I always worry.

And I am doing very well also--school just started, but so far things have been progressing smoothly, and my senior year shouldn't be too bad. If I can handle all the APs ;)
renniekins From: renniekins Date: September 5th, 2003 10:58 am (UTC) (Link)
Wow, you are AP-Woman! Seems like you've taken tons already. How many AP's will you end up with by the time you graduate, anyway?
guingel From: guingel Date: September 5th, 2003 02:52 pm (UTC) (Link)
ugh. Uhm. let me think. I've taken Euro, US, and Physics already. This year I have Government, Calculus (BC--the hard one. . .), English, and French. I also have AP Art, which is a portfolio. It's not mandatory, but I'd like to do it. At least it's not a test to take. Plus, I'm doing Physics C, which is physics with calculus, as an independent study. So I'm basically meeting with a teacher, planning what I need to do, and doing it myself. But, if that turns out to be too much, I can just not do it and have to totally wiped from my record like I never even tried it.

so, uh, yeah. . . XD

Basically, I'm taking every AP offered to me except Psych, which is an elective AP. And I'm not doing the other science APs. lol.
renniekins From: renniekins Date: September 8th, 2003 01:00 pm (UTC) (Link)
Wow! I only did 3: Calc, Computer Science, and English. But I don't think my school offered as many as yours. (I also totally took the easy way out on my calc, because I took the BC course but the AB exam! By the end of the year I'd decided that "calcuseless" just wasn't my thing.)

Oh, and btw my "safety school" was Kalamazoo College, in Michigan. It's a great school, I know lots of smart people who went there, I'm sure you'd love it, but it's not very near NY....
guingel From: guingel Date: September 8th, 2003 01:32 pm (UTC) (Link)
Yeah, Michigan is farther than I was looking, but I'm rather desperate, and I will definitely look at it! If it's a school that I'd like in other ways, the basic restrictions I had to narrow things down can be overlooked. I got distracted in the middle of that sentence, which is why it may not make much sense.

Anyway, thank you, I will check it out :)

Amherst is also one I'm interested in, but I'm kind of looking at all-women's schools. . . I'm not sure. (you went to Amherst, right?)
renniekins From: renniekins Date: September 9th, 2003 03:10 pm (UTC) (Link)
Yep, I went to Amherst...great school! I really enjoyed my experience there. Neither Amherst nor K-zoo were girls' schools though... can't help ya there.
guingel From: guingel Date: September 9th, 2003 05:29 pm (UTC) (Link)
oh, that's ok. Wesleyan is another of my top schools. I'm actually still a little worried about the decision to go to an all-girls school--it fluctuates. And I guess it doesn't help that I'm still totally confused about my sexuality. And it's weird because I'll argue with myself about being confused. Like, there's almost no way for me to know what I like without having tried anything, but my mind still wants to make a decision. I kinda drifted there. lol.
renniekins From: renniekins Date: September 10th, 2003 03:00 pm (UTC) (Link)
I don't know...if you're wondering about who you're attracted to, maybe it makes sense to go to a school with plenty of exposure to both sexes?
guingel From: guingel Date: September 10th, 2003 03:13 pm (UTC) (Link)
well, the thing is, I'm, euh, at least moderately certain that I like men. The main thing in question is if I like women also. And even liking men (although none in particular because I only know high school boys), I still feel like I'd be more comfortable going to an all-women school, dating and everything aside. I'm not exactly certain why, something just appeals to me about it. Maybe because I've been competing with men for a long time. Most of my friends are girls anyway. Although apparently you get sick of being around just women. I'm hoping that they won't be like the girls in my high school--but they can't be, because a) most of them won't be from long island, and b) they'll all be smart enough to have gotten accepted to Smith or Wellesley, or Barnard or wherever. Obviously I'm still totally confused about everything. XD It's a scary decision though, and I'm afraid of messing up.
cannibal From: cannibal Date: September 4th, 2003 10:48 am (UTC) (Link)
Hugs. You'll be cool. Call me if you like.
renniekins From: renniekins Date: September 4th, 2003 01:40 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks. (:
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