December 3rd, 2001


(no subject)

Kind of a crappy day today. Woke up to find I'd started my period, ugh, yuck, I hate being a girl. Felt okay at first, tired of course but that's normal, came downstairs, read my email and my usual web comics, went back upstairs and was suddenly hurting hurting hurting. Climbed back into bed, curled inside fluffy comforter, and started at the wall for awhile. Debated not going to work. I knew that taking some advil would render me quite functional again, but was just tired and crabby and simply didn't want to go to work.

The debate raged in my mind for awhile, the sides for and against were tied, and finally the deciding factor was that I would get to wear my new sweater into work. It is a warm soft cuddly turtlenecky sweater, and I was looking forward to wearing it. So I dragged myself out of bed, ate some advil, put on the sweater and some comfortable jeans, and forced myself to go to the office (quite late, by this point). Nobody was appropriately thrilled to see me, considering the great effort I'd expended in going there. Ah well, they didn't know how grateful they should be.

I did not go straight to work though; I stopped at a gas station and bought two chocolate donuts, a vanilla cappuccino, and a bag of chocolate-covered pretzels. All quite terrible for me, but I didn't care, especially since for some reason I'd been craving chocolate donuts all night. Aside from one of those little baby oranges that are popular now, that's all I've eaten all day. Oh yeah, and a diet pepsi. I wasn't actually hungry, didn't particularly care to eat anything else, and the pretzels were conveniently right on my desk (unlike any other food, which would have involved going somewhere and buying it), so I just nibbled away on them.

Anyway, I have just been feeling empty and alone today. I need more friends. I need people who love me. Or maybe I just need the people who love me to spend more time telling me so. Maybe I just need more sleep. I am tired. My little brother (24 years old, I guess not really so little anymore) called me last night at 1:30am, and we talked until like 3am. That might explain my sleepiness today. He was feeling sad and needed somebody to talk to. (He loves me, even said he does, I suppose I should spend more time remembering such things.) I talked to him, in fact I kind of monopolized the conversation talking about stuff I've been thinking about, but I think that was okay - he just wanted a conversation, not to talk about anything in particular. I think our conversation was probably good for both of us. I wish he lived closer to me, instead of 5 hours away. I think we could be good for one another.

Well, C is coming by (in fact is here now), so maybe he will help cheer me up this evening.
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