September 5th, 2002

duke-hips

Fidgeting

The other night, I was sitting on the couch with C, facing him, my legs propped up on his. We were talking, and I was stressed about something. When I am stressed (and sometimes even when I'm not), I can't sit still. We'd fallen silent, and there came a sound from my feet.

thwp, thwp, thwp

"What are you doing?", he asked me.

I glanced at my feet. Of their own volition, my feet had started rubbing the ridged rubber soles of my tennis shoes against one another, creating a soothing thwpping noise. I hadn't noticed I was doing it until he mentioned it.

"Fidgeting," I told him.

"Well stop it."

"Okay." thwp "Sorry."

I kept still for a moment or two, then my feet thought perhaps he'd forgotten, or wasn't listening anymore. thwp, thwp It wasn't my idea; I was trying to be good! It was my feet!

He seized my ankles and separated my feet, so they could no longer reach one another. The rest of the evening, he would only let me rest one foot at a time on his legs. That kept the thwpping noise to a minimum, although I found other ways to fidget....
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