December 31st, 2003


(no subject)

Okay. I am less depressed today, although still bummed when I think about it. I don't even know precisely what my options are, because I haven't talked to my knee doctor yet (he's not back in the office 'til monday). He may have a different opinion than the radiologist's report; I don't know. I can hope so!

But really, what's the worst-case scenario? I think it's an ACL reconstruction. I've had one of those before on the other knee. It sucked, and it took almost a year to recover fully, but now it works great. That's not too bad of a worst-case scenario: there are people way worse off than me.... people who can't walk, can't see, can't even take care of themselves anymore... This is okay. This is fixable. And I have lots of friends to support me whatever happens.

Even if that's what I need to do though (and I don't know yet), I'm not doing it until after the synchro skating season. I went skating last night. I'll continue skating until the national championships are over in early March. I have no intention of stopping; I'm just going to have to work around this injury until then. I've done it this long, I can manage a couple more months.

The frustrating thing is that I'm realizing it may very well not get a whole lot better. Not if it's a full tear, which seems to be what the MRI is saying. The weakness and instability will remain unless I have surgery. I kept hoping that with PT it would get stronger, so I've been skipping certain tricks. Now I suspect that I just need to find a safe way to do them anyway.
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Gay Boyfriend

A few years ago, when I was going through a particularly difficult time, I composed a personal ad. I never actually placed it, but this is an approximation of what it said:

Grace Seeks Will
Recently heart-broken straight female seeks gay male for cuddling, movie-watching, backrubbing, cooking, shopping, dancing, fashion advice, more cuddling, and commiserating about boys

I realized that I wasn't ready to date, didn't even want to date really, but that I missed being touched. I was lonely...but really all I wanted was somebody who would cuddle up with me on the couch and watch movies. I didn't need a boyfriend, I realized one day while watching Will and Grace. I needed a gay best friend. Perhaps a next-door neighbor, or even a roommate.

Of course fachless, my opera-singing girlfriend, has told me time and time again that they are not all they are cracked up to be. I suppose that she is right; television rarely matches up with reality. Still, it was a great idea in my head.

I never found my gay best friend, and instead I jumped into the wacky world of Internet Dating. This had its own adventures and wonderful rewards, and I have no regrets... but every now and then I remember my imaginary gay roommate and all the fun we had together. So I was quite pleased today to discover that I am not the only one who has come up with such ideas!
(warning: the link is hilarious but beware if you have perfect pitch!)