May 25th, 2004


Insomnia Strikes

Why is it that my friends are not updating their journals? Why is it that the only email I'm getting is spam? Why am I still awake? Why is my stomach upset? Why are my feet so cold?

It's almost 4am.

Every night around midnight, I agonize, questioning my body. Am I tired? Will I be able to sleep? Should I try taking something to help me sleep, or should I just crawl into bed and try to sleep on my own?

It's 4am.

The problem with insomnia is that it is unpredictable. It is often very hard for me to tell, when I'm heading to bed, whether or not I will be able to sleep. I don't want to take a sleep aid every night, because their effectiveness will wear off with frequent use (not to mention the damn things are expensive!), so I don't generally like taking one before I at least try to sleep on my own. But if I toss and turn for too long, then I worry that it is too late to take something, that I will find myself groggy in the morning and have trouble waking up. Of course, I am always groggy in the morning. I always have trouble waking up. But there is a difference between still-drugged-groggy and just normal grogginess.

It's after 4am.

Around now is the time that I start to consider just staying up all night. I won't have trouble waking up, if I don't go to sleep, right? My alarm will be going off in 3 hours. I could just take a long hot shower, have a nice leisurely breakfast, and get to work early. Yeah, that seems so easy, somehow, around this time of night. But it never works that way, somehow. least the numbers line up in a row.

Generally, right when that seems like the best possible course of action, that's when I find myself a little bit sleepy. Eventually I fall asleep, and invariably I am finally in a deep and peaceful slumber when the alarm sounds. I then stumble through my workday in a daze.


But I know that pulling an all-nighter isn't the answer either. I would still stumble through the workday in a daze (or at least most of it). "In the morning, your body resets itself," I used to claim in college. "The sun rises, you eat breakfast, and you wake up just as though you've slept." But I'm no longer a college student, and even back then it was never quite as easy as I liked to claim. My body will reset itself, yes, but it certainly won't last all day.

It's almost 5am.

Time to crawl back into bed. Maybe I'll sleep this the very least, I can warm up my feet. Tomorrow will be a long day.

Examples of My Freakishness

I have mosquito bites on my feet and ankles, from sitting outside in my capri pants and sandals saturday night. I have already scratched the tops off of most of them. I'm not capable of leaving mosquito bites alone. I guess summer is officially here...although that feels strange to say, since it was cold enough this morning that I wore my leather jacket to work. And I turned on the heater in my car. Brr!

The bathroom in my office building has a hand lotion dispenser. This is really great, except that there are two doors I need to open to walk from the bathroom to my desk. If I apply lotion in the bathroom, then my hands are all slimy and over-moisturized when I go to open the doors. It makes them slippery, and it certainly is likely to leave an unpleasant surprise for the next person to use the door.

To resolve this issue, I always squirt a little bit of lotion into the palm of my left hand. I then walk back to my desk, opening both doors with my right hand, cupping my little pool of lotion in my left hand. I look like an idiot, carrying lotion down the hallway, but at least I don't slime the door handles.

I had a turkey sandwich for lunch today. I hadn't thought there would be cheese on it, but they ended up putting swiss cheese on it. (They also skipped the cucumbers. I wonder if they made me a different sandwich than the one I ordered?) Anyway, I never used to like swiss cheese. As I bit into it, I thought to myself, "Oh, I taste swiss cheese, ick." But then as I chewed, I found myself thinking, "Wait, actually this tastes pretty good!"

So maybe I like swiss cheese now. But only sort of. My new appreciation did not quite last as long as did the sandwich. By the last bite, I was thinking to myself, "Oh no, there's another big hunk of swiss cheese in this bite too; that last bite had too much." So I pulled the cheese out of the last bite and left it on the plate. Take that, swiss cheese!