November 12th, 2005

butterfly

(no subject)

I touch the fire and it freezes me....

You don't have to die alone Mal!
Everybody dies alone.

You look as beautiful as a sunrise.
You should have said a sunset.

Watched La Boheme, but could barely concentrate on the beautiful music, my mind wandering and ruminating so much. My head spins in so many different directions these days. What do I want? Is this it? How can I put myself back together, so all the pieces work again? Am I constantly going to be sabotaging myself?

Watching the girl die felt trite, even with the lovely music. But when he saw her after, and slowly realized she was gone, his body language was incredible. I felt it in my gut when he literally tried to climb up his friend to some saner of a place.

Most moving part of the show, that was. Otherwise I was too distracted to really be drawn into the story.... although I really liked the duets.

The torch I bear, it's scorching me
I hope she fries; I'm free if that bitch dies
(I'd better help her out.)
'cause she is drawn to the fire

How is it that an insomniac can long to spend her weekend asleep? I fantasize about sleeping pills. I feel a tiredness that is not really physical.

What can't we face if we're together?