November 15th, 2010

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Fingernails of Justice

"You've got something black on your nail," my colleague told me at work this morning.

"Yeah, it's an embellishment." I showed him my fancy-looking fingernails. "They're fakes, I put them on last night. See, a couple of them have little swirly decorations...."

"Are you practicing for the wedding?"

"Exactly. I didn't do a very good job though. See, these ones are crooked. But I think the ones I didn't mess up look pretty good though. Like these fingers here, and this one, do you think they look okay?"

"You're asking a guy?"

"Sure," another guy chimed in, "doesn't your wife ask you if she looks nice?"

"Of course, and I just say 'it's perfect dear'...."

"Well there you go," I told him. "Just say that to me. Not the ones that are crooked of course...."

"You're always going to be more critical of your own work than anyone else is. They look nice, I was just surprised to see you all manicured. It doesn't look like 'you'."

"I know! I generally have little stubby nails. My normal nails are... ugh... they're....."

"They're working hands," he offered.

"Exactly. Yes, that's it exactly. But I want them to look fancy for the wedding, so I decided to buy a bunch of fake nails and try them out. See if I can tolerate them. So far they look really pretty, but they're driving me crazy!"

Our conversation drifted back to work-related topics, after he teased me that they were hampering my typing ability. Which was true... they do! They get in the way -- I feel like I've decided to cripple myself, in a way. Why would I intentionally impair my hands with something artificial? (Oh right, because they look lovely.)

Not that these are that long; in fact the package says "Petites Real Short", and they are the smallest ones I could find. They are Smaller Nails For Smaller Hands, and they are in a French Manicure style. That means that the tips are white, and the rest of the nail is kind of, um, nail-colored. They are supposed to look natural, just a much prettier version of natural than my nails are capable of.

The ones that came our right are glossy and glamorous-looking. They don't look ridiculously long, in fact they are shorter than many women's nails I've seen. They just look a lot finer than my hands generally look.

I have working hands, with beat-up soft little nails, and I'm not ashamed of that fact, because I do indeed work with my hands. After a day of typing, pulling things out of my pockets, texting, and changing the kitty litter when I got home this evening, three nails had already come off.

I have learned a few things in this adventure. One, when you try to re-glue the nail back on it doesn't look as nice as the first time. Two, the "nail glue" is really super glue and if you accidentally glue your fingers together, you may end up tearing some skin. Three, even the "really short" nails are a little long, but if I pull out the smaller pieces they are fairly comfortable.

However the most important thing I learned is that the drugstore stick-on nails look really nice, if I can get the right size and not put it on crooked. And not get glue all over my fingers. With a little more practice, I can have glamorous wedding fingers after all!