September 19th, 2011

Lobster

Spider

I walk into the downstairs bathroom. "ACK!!!"

"What's wrong," he calls from upstairs.

"There is a big spider in the sink!"

"Did you kill it?"

"I mean a really big spider. It's huge!"

"Did you kill it?"

"Not yet, I can't touch that thing. I need paper towels, a lot of paper towels. A newspaper. Maybe a phonebook... and a bowling ball. It's a really big spider."

"Do you need me to help?"

"Yes, please bring a bowling ball."

...he comes downstairs...

"Wow."

"I told you it was big."

"That's okay, I'm bigger." He turns on the water faucet and starts splashing water on it. As it drowns, it shrivels up to a more reasonable size. I realize he is going to wash it down the drain.

"Wait, you can't just wash it down the drain, because it could crawl right back out - and then it'd be pissed. Didn't you bring something heavy to squish it?"

"I can just squish it with toilet paper."

"Eeeew, no, get a softball, or use your shoe!"

...squish...

...I flinch and look away, only looking back when I hear the sound of flushing...

"Did you see how big it was? That was no ordinary spider; I could have squished an ordinary spider."

"Okay, I'll admit, that was a big spider."