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Adhesion - cellophane — LiveJournal
the story of an invisible girl
One of the things I and my physical therapists have been doing is trying to massage my scars every day. The thing is: there is a thick cone of scar tissue underneath the visible scar, which can stick everything (muscles, tendons, skin, bone) together in a painful way. Massaging the scars, while very painful, breaks up that stuff underneath so that everything can move properly and smoothly.

Despite our efforts, my lowest scar has developed an adhesion -- meaning the scar tissue is now stuck to the bone. Ick! If I push the skin by it, the scar stays stuck in place. It's pretty freaky-looking. The only way to fix it, as I understand it, is to rub it firmly until all the scar tissue breaks free from where it's stuck. Ouch.

I've been massaging it, but I can't inflict the necessary amount of continuous force on myself to fix it. I start to, then it makes me hurt, cringe, and finally I start shaking my hands and shoulders violently, unable to continue. I think it is some sort of reaction to my mental conflict between wanting to push away the hands that are hurting me, yet at the same time actually being the hands that are hurting me.

This morning my PT worked on it for me, rubbing hard, trying to break up the scar tissue. I sat with my face twisted up in a grimace, my hand in my mouth. I started biting one of my fingers to distract myself from the pain. As she kept going, I started whimpering involuntarily. She kept rubbing, saying to me, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

"I know, I know," I replied with a cringe. She stopped for a moment, went to the cupboard, and pulled out a paper towel. She handed it to me, and I looked at it dubiously. I wasn't sure what she expected me to do with it -- twist it up and stuff it in my mouth, so I could bite on it like a bullet? "What am I supposed to do with this?"

"Whatever you want to," she told me. A moment later she added, "I thought I heard you sniffing." Then she attacked the scar tissue with renewed vigor.

Now I understood: she thought I was crying. Oddly enough though, I don't cry when I'm in pain. I'll make nasty faces, I'll whimper, and sometimes I'll even cry out and yell loudly.....but I don't cry. I can't remember when the last time I've cried from physical pain alone (mental pain, now that's a different story). I wonder why that is?

Anyway, at one point she exclaimed triumphantly, "There, did you feel that? I felt a pop!"

"That's great," I told her. "Does that mean we're done?"

"No, but I got one of them."

"Good -- how many more are there?"

"I don't know, it depends. But we got one!" I tried to feel pleased, but the fact that she was still torturing my knee made it difficult. Eventually she stopped though, telling me that it was enough for today. I was relieved, even though the scar is still stuck.

On the plus side, my day had nowhere to go but up. As F pointed out to me when we talked on the phone a moment ago: if you eat a live frog every morning, your day can't get any worse. My PT was my live frog this morning, and the rest of my day got better and better from there!


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pi3832 From: pi3832 Date: May 5th, 2004 06:06 am (UTC) (Link)

"I love it when you whimper"

Obviously you just need to find yourself a sadist and make friends.

thatguychuck From: thatguychuck Date: May 5th, 2004 12:45 pm (UTC) (Link)
Now I understood: she thought I was crying. Oddly enough though, I don't cry when I'm in pain. I'll make nasty faces, I'll whimper, and sometimes I'll even cry out and yell loudly.....but I don't cry.

Actually, I don't think that pain makes someone cry. Pain makes people suffer, true. But I think it's the mental things that go along with pain that causes people to cry.

I've been in so much pain that I've cried, but it wasn't pain itself that made me cry. (Scream, yes. Cry, no.) It's been the frustration of not being able to do anything about the pain, and the fear that goes along with it.

I think that physical pain is a purely physical thing. Crying involves something mental. (Though extreme physical pain definitely causes mental stress, which causes many people to cry.)

Look at any child who has skinned their knee. They're fine until they look at it, then they begin bawling and crying. They're afraid of what happened and they start crying. Not all, but most.

Has anyone else out there experienced this? Do you cry when you're in pain? I don't know about others, I'm just going by what I've seen and what is true for me. What's it like for you?
From: caneprints Date: May 5th, 2004 08:29 pm (UTC) (Link)
God! Can't they prescribe some pain medication for you to take an hour or so ahead of time so it's not so agonizing? I think if I were in your situation and couldn't get pain control by prescription, I'd have to get it some other way. Do you think next time will be easier or harder for you? Sometimes I think it's worse when you know what it's going to feel like. Good luck!
renniekins From: renniekins Date: May 6th, 2004 07:19 am (UTC) (Link)
I don't know...I'll find out this afternoon though. Hopefully it will be easier, or at least it won't last much longer. I do have Vicodin I can take, but I prefer to stay away from that during the day time (when I'm driving myself places, and trying to work). I'll see how it goes today....thanks!
From: nicegeek Date: May 12th, 2004 12:39 pm (UTC) (Link)
"If you eat a live frog every morning, your day can't get any worse."

Nor can the frog's.
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