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In which I embarrass myself - cellophane — LiveJournal
the story of an invisible girl
In which I embarrass myself
Here's the thing. As I walked into the bathroom, I realized that I had a ballpoint pen in my back pocket. I worried that if I left it in the pocket, there was a good chance of it wiggling its way out of my pocket and falling onto the floor or (worse yet) into the toilet.

So I pulled it out of my pocket, but then I didn't know where to put it. I needed my hands free to take care of unfastening my pants and such. I didn't have any shirt pockets, and the clip had broken off, so I couldn't just clip it to my clothing. For some reason it didn't occur to me to just set it on the tissue dispenser. Instead, I stuck it into my bra.

There I sat, the pen wedged precariously in the front of my bra. It wasn't a very good place for it, but I figured it would work until I could put it back into my pocket when I'd finished. It worked fine for awhile, until I leaned forward to begin standing up.

You guessed it -- I felt it slip, I heard a chink, then I heard what I'd most feared: a dreaded splut. I stood up and looked around to see the pen floating in the bowl.

I stared at it. There was an fraction of a second where I wondered what to do, then the decision was made for me. The toilets in my office building are "hands free", you see, and when I stood up the toilet began flushing all on its own. Before I could do anything, the pen was sucked down.

It disappeared without a trace. I stood there helplessly for a good 60 seconds, staring at the fresh bowl, fully expecting the pen to come bobbing back up. It didn't.

I'm amazed that the plumbing was strong enough to completely swallow a fairly large ballpoint pen (unfortunately one of my favorites, I might add). I hope it doesn't damage anything -- but even if the toilet does clog up, I probably won't be admitting that it was my fault.

Current Mood: I need a "Duke blushing" icon.

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encorecrazay From: encorecrazay Date: June 7th, 2004 11:52 am (UTC) (Link)
There was an article in the Austin paper today about the problem with cell phones in Texas prisons (it's a felony to provide a cell to an inmate by the way) and that when they went to do a seizure on one, it got flushed. Here's some more details.

The FBI's Violent Crime Task Force in Austin was monitoring cell phone calls from a Darrington inmate to his associates on the outside. The agency informed Cobbs of the investigation last fall.

"We knew who had the phone," he said. "We knew who he was talking to and we were recording those calls. So we decided to let them keep talking unless we learned of something that we needed to stop."

But when investigators decided to raid the inmate's cell, they forgot to turn off the prison's water system first and the inmate flushed the phone down his toilet.

"And, of course, the commodes in those prisons will flush down a small tree," Cobbs said. "I mean, you better stand back and not get your shirt caught because it took that cell phone right down."

Prison officials then searched the prison's sewer traps for the submerged phone.

"They were pulling up cell phones like they were going fishing," Cobbs said. "And you'd think they'd be those inexpensive disposable phones like you buy at Wal-Mart. But we've even been seeing camera phones."

renniekins From: renniekins Date: June 7th, 2004 12:36 pm (UTC) (Link)
Wow, a whole cell phone?! Very interesting, if a bit weird...thanks for posting the info.
retepsnave From: retepsnave Date: June 7th, 2004 12:29 pm (UTC) (Link)

information for future use...

ears make for wonderful temporary pen holders...
so do teeth...
and some hairdos such as very curly hair, pony-tails, french braids etc. (not that I've ever had the last two to utilize... but there were many times working at college theatre as scene shop foreman that I'd come home from work and take out three or four pencils out of my rather curly afro like hair before takeing a shower
renniekins From: renniekins Date: June 7th, 2004 12:43 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: information for future use...

My ears - I didn't think of that! I guess I don't often stick pens there because my ears don't hold them very securely...but probably no less securely than my bra. You're right, the teeth would have worked too.

My hair is straight and thin, so when I wear it down (like today) it won't hold anything.

I love the idea of you pulling all your pencils and screwdrivers and stuff out of your hair at the end of the day!
hannunvaakuna From: hannunvaakuna Date: June 7th, 2004 01:15 pm (UTC) (Link)
i'm *so* glad to know i'm not the only one that does these things!
cynnerth From: cynnerth Date: June 7th, 2004 02:08 pm (UTC) (Link)
I think I would have held the pen in my mouth, which I guess isn't very sanitary. And that reminds me...I have a friend who held up the hem of her dress with her mouth once when she was in the bathroom. As she was leaving, she realized that she had left lipstick marks on the hem of her dress. It was embarrassing for her to explain kissy marks on the bottom of her dress to anyone who noticed.
renniekins From: renniekins Date: June 7th, 2004 03:02 pm (UTC) (Link)
Ha! That would be awkward, yes!

I think what happened is, I started by trying to clip it to the neckline of my (v-necked) shirt. When I discovered the clip had broken off, well, I was already holding the pen at my chest. Tucking it into the bra just seemed somehow natural, at that point....
jeffreyab From: jeffreyab Date: June 7th, 2004 03:38 pm (UTC) (Link)


"but even if the toilet does clog up, I probably won't be admitting that it was my fault."

Then shouldn't you have made this a friends only post?

Or better yet not mentioned it all?

Oh I know this is another "Rennie" story.

I am looking forward to the book. You might become the United States' Stephen Leacock.

balrog_gamer From: balrog_gamer Date: June 7th, 2004 04:16 pm (UTC) (Link)
It's sad... to be envious... of a PEN.

OK, not the unceremoniously being flushed and lost forever part... the OTHER part!
renniekins From: renniekins Date: June 8th, 2004 06:17 am (UTC) (Link)
hahahaha! Thanks for the laugh. (:
bighoward From: bighoward Date: June 7th, 2004 04:48 pm (UTC) (Link)
and full of fun. On Friday the foreman comesw round and hands you your pay check. I got mine and stuck it my shirt pocket and later rosie came by, grabbed it and stuck it down in her bra "if you want it you have to go get it". I replied, "you have no idea how long I'd wanted to put my hand in there and now you've given me an excuse". she grabbed it and handed it to me.
mysteryfem From: mysteryfem Date: June 7th, 2004 06:10 pm (UTC) (Link)
*giggles* One time i bought my usual foundation makeup. And it fell out my hand and into the toilet and slid right through that the toilet didnt even need to flush for it to go round the u bend and be gone forever lol. I was annoyed as id only just purchased the make up at £12! lol
renniekins From: renniekins Date: June 8th, 2004 06:14 am (UTC) (Link)
Those darn toilets, they cause no end of problems!
From: caneprints Date: June 7th, 2004 06:45 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh I love that story! Thanks for the laugh. It's a shame about the loss of your pen though. I'm sure some really smart sewer rat will thank you. I'm sure pens are hard to come by down there. :)
renniekins From: renniekins Date: June 8th, 2004 06:15 am (UTC) (Link)
Oh that's true! I just hope he shares it with the ninja turtles. Glad I could make you smile.
anderale From: anderale Date: June 7th, 2004 10:05 pm (UTC) (Link)
I was so afraid that you were going to say that the pen exploded in your blouse! That would have been much more miserable than flushing. *whew*
specialagentm From: specialagentm Date: June 8th, 2004 05:46 am (UTC) (Link)
I thought she was going to say she forgot the pen was there and walked back into the office with a pen sticking out of her bra...
joline From: joline Date: June 8th, 2004 09:59 am (UTC) (Link)
lordy! you are TOO cute!

and from a literary perspective, i feel the need to tell you that i really enjoyed your use of verbs here. well done! ;)
renniekins From: renniekins Date: June 8th, 2004 02:08 pm (UTC) (Link)
awww...thank you very much! (:
From: davidp5382 Date: June 8th, 2004 08:29 pm (UTC) (Link)
LOL! Ok. I stopped laughing when I got to the part where it was one of your favorites. Very well told! :D I did have a wallet fall out of my pants pocket into a toilet once, but the water wasn't dirty (yet). I don't think I've ever told anyone that. Shhhhhhh!
renniekins From: renniekins Date: June 9th, 2004 07:48 am (UTC) (Link)
heehee! I'll keep it secret. Glad you laughed! (:
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