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Dream about a college friend - cellophane — LiveJournal
the story of an invisible girl
Dream about a college friend
I had a strange dream several nights ago. I was somewhere, a reunion of some sort, and I saw a guy I went to college with. Our senior year he and I were each writing an honors thesis in computer science. He and I had the same advisor and we were the only two doing AI-related stuff, so we spent tons of time together. Endless all-nighters in the computer lab, and crazy visits to Cumberland Farms, blasting Erasure on his car's tape player, loading up on sugar and caffeine.

Anyway, I had a mild crush on him during that time, but he was dating a PoliSci major with long dark hair. We were buddies though, not close, but we were casual friends and we got along well. I haven't seen him nor communicated with him since graduation in 1993.

So in the dream reunion, I was in a crowded gathering, and I saw him across the room sitting on a ledge. He saw me but didn't recognize me at first. I hurried over to greet him, and he stood up and I could see he remembered me. We hugged -- it felt warm but awkward. It had been a long time.

Then he pulled away from me and, holding my shoulders, he looked me in the eyes. "What has happened to you?", he asked me. "It seems like you've been... hurt." His voice broke a little with raw emotion and tender concern.

I stood there, feeling like an empty husk dangling from his hands, as I was flooded with 11 years worth of memories. I wondered what about my behavior might make him think that I had been broken. I felt almost drowned by the awkwardness of an embrace which touched no deeper than my skin, and I reflected on how lonely and untouchable I was, hiding deep inside of it.

I broke my eyes from his gaze, looked down, and had no answer. I leaned into him and we hugged again, one of those strange and meaningless hugs where your elbows stick out and your bodies barely connect. I felt his hands shaking as he helplessly patted my back, miles away from me.

Then I woke up.


read 14 comments | talk to me!
_goodintentions From: _goodintentions Date: June 16th, 2004 01:53 pm (UTC) (Link)
Aww <3

I hate those hugs, the meaningless ones.

Psh, people these days do not know how to hug.
radiantsoul From: radiantsoul Date: June 16th, 2004 02:03 pm (UTC) (Link)
Sounds like quite an interesting dream.
hannunvaakuna From: hannunvaakuna Date: June 16th, 2004 02:13 pm (UTC) (Link)
maybe it's time to reconnect?
renniekins From: renniekins Date: June 16th, 2004 03:30 pm (UTC) (Link)
hmmm.....not a bad idea.
bob_the_mighty From: bob_the_mighty Date: June 16th, 2004 04:48 pm (UTC) (Link)
Odd... and obviously your brain a-trying to tell you something...

Wish mine were as clear... but the flying hamsters aerial dueling just keep obscuring everything.

renniekins From: renniekins Date: June 17th, 2004 06:56 pm (UTC) (Link)
Yeah? Maybe since my dream was flying-hampster-free, you could tell me what it meant.
bob_the_mighty From: bob_the_mighty Date: June 17th, 2004 08:31 pm (UTC) (Link)
My apologies. By "clear" I meant non-vision obscuring rather than easily understood.

Ask me again in a few years to tell you what it meant after I know you a bit better.


lahabiel From: lahabiel Date: June 16th, 2004 05:53 pm (UTC) (Link)
*genuine hug*

I'm back. :)
renniekins From: renniekins Date: June 17th, 2004 01:00 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks...*hug* Glad you made it back okay, and I hope your trip was everything you were hoping it would be!
bjorng From: bjorng Date: June 16th, 2004 06:23 pm (UTC) (Link)
That seems like a very sad dream to me. A friend of mine sent an email today talking about being in a similar mood. His was very much in the present, however, not a reminiscence. I would gladly have hugged him too, were he not half a world away.
jeffreyab From: jeffreyab Date: June 16th, 2004 08:08 pm (UTC) (Link)


You say alot in those few paragraphs.

Did you want commentary or were you just reflecting?
renniekins From: renniekins Date: June 17th, 2004 12:59 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Communications

*shrug*...really just recording a memory, trying to capture that intensity. Feel free to comment if you want though.
retepsnave From: retepsnave Date: June 17th, 2004 06:33 am (UTC) (Link)
poignant, contemplative and slightly sad...


'its never a bad thing to introspect in such ways as your subconcious was doing for you... just don't get stuck there...
live your life today!

renniekins From: renniekins Date: June 17th, 2004 09:40 am (UTC) (Link)
Thanks...good point!
read 14 comments | talk to me!