alpaca princess (renniekins) wrote,
alpaca princess

Unfinished Stories

The interesting thing about reading a journal is: you only get to find out what I decide to tell you. I only write about what's on my mind, or what I think will make a good story. So the reader is left with glimpses and snippets, unfinished tales and questions.

The fact that I just completed the struts web interface for our claims user administration system here at work? Very boring. But the fact that during the process I lost my pen down the there is some entertaining reading! Or at least, it amused me enough to share.

So today I'll finish a couple of the stories I started, or at least mention the next bit.

Despite the fact that I am getting some things done (see the boring part two paragraphs ago), my motivation levels are still extremely low. In contrast, my emotional levels are very roller-coastery. I have therefore been avoiding anything too serious and instead focusing on cell phones.

I've been obsessing over the idea of combining PDA and cellphone technology for quite some time now, and it culminated this week with my spending way too much time looking at phones and plans on the web, talking to people about their phones and providers, and even visiting a couple of brick-and-mortar stores to play with test units. This afternoon, I threw caution to the wind and placed an order for a Treo 600 through AT&T. One good thing is that they offer a 30-day trial period, so if I decide I made a mistake I can return it. I'm really looking forward to playing with it. I hope it arrives soon!

I visited my knee doctor on monday for my 3-month surgical followup, and he said I am allowed to try skating again. Obviously I will need to ease into things gradually, and I won't be able to do much at first. Still, it is good to be on that next step, and it will be good to start trying normal stuff again.

But I haven't gotten back on the ice yet. Partly because I'm scared, and partly because I'm just kinda tired of rehabbing. I have (only semi-intentionally) given myself a week off. Aside from a few walks and some stair-climbing (oh, and some dancing last night), I haven't done anything physical this week. At first it was because of the doctor appointment, then it was because I gave blood, but then it was simply because I don't wanna. I haven't ridden my bike, I haven't tried skating, and I haven't gone to the gym/physical therapy.

Speaking of physical therapy, I don't know quite what I want to do about that. On monday the surgeon asked me if I needed/wanted to continue PT. I said I didn't know. So he gave me a prescription, and let me make my own decision. That prescription is still sitting in my car, the decision unmade.

At PT last friday, the therapist I talked to thought it would be good for me to keep it up a little longer. I am not ready to skate or be athletic yet, and I have a ways to go before I feel confident in the use of my knee. Having somebody monitoring me, and giving me new exercises, would probably be good. But...I was looking forward to being done. I guess I'm just weary of the whole thing.

So I gave myself a week off. It's been nice, not rushing off to therapy at all this week. I'm hoping that I'll feel (mentally) better after this week ends, and I'll be able to decide what to do about therapy and rehab and exercise and whatnot. Because clearly I need to do something; I will never be whole unless I continue working at it.

Interesting: despite my present reluctance to do it, I know precisely what needs to be done to make my leg better again. I wish it were as easy to figure out how to make my life better.

I took the week of July 5-9 off from work. I always take time off, this time of year. I don't know what I am going to do with it yet...that's another thing I need to decide.
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