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Summer of Fixing - cellophane — LiveJournal
the story of an invisible girl
Summer of Fixing
I have a vaguely-formed idea in my head that this summer will be the summer I "fix everything". Well okay maybe not everything, but the big parts of me. I want to fix and improve myself, then I'll be ready for whatever it is I want to do next with my life. I've had the surgery to fix my knee, and I'm trying to finish that up. Hopefully it will be all better soon.

I'm trying a bit of therapy to try to fix my mind. That was kind of an adventure. The guy I talked to was quite fixated on S's death, and how it has affected me. Well naturally that's a Pretty Big Deal, but... Well I don't know. Maybe he's right, to a degree. He said to me, after I shared with him a few journal entries: "This is destroying you."

I quirked an eyebrow at him. "That's a pretty strong word," I told him dubiously.

(Side note: "quirked an eyebrow" is fancy literary-license-speak. Apparently everyone in fiction novels can raise one eyebrow while not moving the other one. The fact is: I can't do it, but I really wish I could. I have a special face I use whenever I would be raising just one eyebrow and not the other, if I were capable. It's a sort of an acrobatic wrinkling of the eyebrows, with a head-tilt and a slight lip-twist. (It looks much better than it sounds.) It's as close as I can come to conveying the same concept, and it does the job, but it just doesn't sound as good in writing.)

Anyway, back to the story at hand. He said, "It hasn't ruined you, but it is destroying you. Do you see the distinction?" I didn't agree with his choice of words, but I did see what he was getting at. So I agreed to let him try to fix me. Hopefully that will be all better soon too.

My other big goal is to fix my eyes. I've worn glasses since the age of about 10, and contact lenses since 13. I'm one of those people who (unaided) looks at the eye chart and sees a fuzzy white square. If I squint, I can see that there is black writing on it, and I can mostly make out the big "E".

I want to try laser eye surgery. I've been thinking about it for awhile, off and on. Loving the idea of life without glasses or contacts, but worried about its effectiveness. I know more and more people who have tried it and love it, so I've decided it might be time.

Actually, back in December I thought this was definitely going to be The Year For Lasik. I set aside money in my Flexible Spending Account for it and everything. That was before I knew I'd need knee surgery, and now all the FSA money has been used up. Even without the FSA though, I do have a decent savings account. I'm generally a pretty frugal person with a good job. It might be worth it to dip into those savings and get my eyes done anyway. After all, this is the Summer of Fixing, and it would be nice to have it out of the way. The sooner I get this done, the more time I can enjoy with good vision!

Before I can decide for sure though, I need to find out if I am even an eligible candidate for the surgery. I am fairly certain there won't be a problem, but I don't know for sure. I therefore saw my optometrist yesterday, and we talked about it. He recommended a few places he thinks are pretty good, and I called one that offers a (small) discount with my fancy new vision insurance.

I have an appointment for a screening on September 13! I don't have to go through with anything, but at least I've taken the first step. It's kind of exciting.

The only bummer is: I'm not supposed to wear my contacts for two weeks prior to the screening. Two weeks! I'm used to wearing my contacts every day... I don't have any idea when the last time is that I went that long wearing only my glasses. That will be really weird and a bit annoying. But hopefully it will be worth it in the end. I'll be like the bionic woman: "We can rebuild her; we have the technology."
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hannunvaakuna From: hannunvaakuna Date: August 24th, 2004 02:35 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'll be like the bionic woman: "We can rebuild her; we have the technology."

only if they make sure to install that "reetreetreet" bionic sound that goes along with the bionic man & woman. that'd be cooooooool!
renniekins From: renniekins Date: August 31st, 2004 09:26 am (UTC) (Link)
I can just make the noises myself. *grin*
nishar From: nishar Date: August 24th, 2004 02:37 pm (UTC) (Link)

Good Luck

Good luck on the Lasik surgery. And good luck on healing your psychic wounds.
jeffreyab From: jeffreyab Date: August 24th, 2004 03:03 pm (UTC) (Link)

Good Luck!

Remember therapy is not an overnight solution.

I think you look very sophisticated in glasses.
encorecrazay From: encorecrazay Date: August 24th, 2004 03:43 pm (UTC) (Link)


I'd worn glasses since I was 9, started contacts when I was 24. A few years ago while wearing my glasses early in the morning while doing yard work (didn't want the hard contacts in while all the dust was flying about, I knocked my glasses off into the sewer, next I spent about 20 minutes trying to find my glasses because I had a good astigmatism. So anyway, I checked in the lasik (all paid by myself) and now I have 20/20 for driving, but if reading fine print or in the dark, or computer screens all day, I use reading glasses. So go do it.

And he's right, you've been destroying yourself over an event you can not change ... It's good to remember but better to move forward.
renniekins From: renniekins Date: August 24th, 2004 08:24 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Lasik

Another success story...excellent! Thanks for the encouragement. It won't be cheap, but it seems like it will be totally worth it.

polaron From: polaron Date: August 24th, 2004 06:42 pm (UTC) (Link)
On the one hand I'd like to offer my take on what you were talking about.

On the other, I'm afraid of saying the wrong thing.

So...yeah :?
renniekins From: renniekins Date: August 24th, 2004 08:28 pm (UTC) (Link)
If you want to say something you can; that's why comments are open. If something somebody says makes me uncomfortable I'll sometimes screen the comment, but I am always open to others' opinions and thoughts.
greyyguy From: greyyguy Date: August 24th, 2004 09:21 pm (UTC) (Link)
Ah! So that is what it is called! I've been able to quirk my eyebrow for a long time. I tried ever since I saw Spock do it. I can even quirk each eyebrow independantly.
renniekins From: renniekins Date: August 25th, 2004 07:44 am (UTC) (Link)
I'm so jealous!
hannunvaakuna From: hannunvaakuna Date: August 24th, 2004 09:53 pm (UTC) (Link)
So I agreed to let him try to fix me. Hopefully that will be all better soon too.

if you don't like him or his style, don't be afraid to shop around. i got really lucky with my latest headshrinker, but i was prepared to talk to a few before finding a connection i was comfortable with.
renniekins From: renniekins Date: August 25th, 2004 07:45 am (UTC) (Link)
Good point, thanks for the reminder. I haven't quite decided if I like his style or not yet.
anderale From: anderale Date: August 24th, 2004 11:49 pm (UTC) (Link)
I've been reading all of your posts from your previous writing and I think that just because you wrote it, you took steps in the right direction. If that makes any sense. As I said before, writing is very theraputic!

Don't be surprised if I come out with a barrage of writing on that subject, too. It's not something I've ever written about, definitely never talked about and I think it's time to change that. I am taking a course to help me express myself. I'm not sure why I am rambling about that, but I guess what I'm really trying to say that you sharing your writing helps me and probably would help other people.

My vision is just like yours but, I am terrified of eye surgery of any kind. Absolutley terrified of it, but my best friend had it and she sees just fine. She even did it many years ago, so any bad effects would have shown up by now, I think. I think it would be fantastic to just be able to see.
renniekins From: renniekins Date: August 25th, 2004 07:47 am (UTC) (Link)
Thanks. I totally agree that writing is theraputic! It's gotten me through a lot of things. I'm looking forward to seeing your writing someday, and I hope it helps you also.

Yeah, the idea is really scary, so I haven't decided if I'll do it or not...but the idea intrigues me. I'd love to be able to see! So I figure the screening is an excellent start, and it doesn't obligate me to anything.
radiantsoul From: radiantsoul Date: August 25th, 2004 12:24 am (UTC) (Link)
I have fances lasik too. There is a new thing called Wavefront, which is more expensive so it must be better.
radiantsoul From: radiantsoul Date: August 25th, 2004 12:31 am (UTC) (Link)
It is early in the morning hence the first sentence.
geekjul From: geekjul Date: August 25th, 2004 06:33 am (UTC) (Link)
You're inspiring!! Go you!
geekjul From: geekjul Date: August 25th, 2004 06:34 am (UTC) (Link)
PS - I cannot raise one eyebrow either. I also cannot roll my tongue into an O. It was the bane of my childhood.
guysterrules From: guysterrules Date: August 25th, 2004 06:52 am (UTC) (Link)
Psychiatric hair-splitting is fun! I hope that he's able to help.

From: (Anonymous) Date: August 26th, 2004 04:08 pm (UTC) (Link)
I had Lasic done at TLC. Bifocals just weren't working for me. (over 40 doncha know) I went into it hoping for perfect distance vision, but came out with perfect close vision instead. (And much improved distance vision, I too can now see the clock at night.) I pretty much decided to stick with this rather than go for a re-correction. My vision is good enough that I don't need glasses around the house, and bad enough that I can't see dust and dirt. Works for me. I do have dry eyes at night, as a side effect.

My niece on the other hand, came out with perfect 20-10 vision, and no complications.

Gary G
drteeth26 From: drteeth26 Date: August 28th, 2004 05:51 am (UTC) (Link)

Another Lasik success story

Not me, but a man whose work I've held in high esteem for years.

The great, powerful, and almighty "Weird Al" Yankovic had Lasik surgery a few years back, and on his website he has extolled the virtues of it when asked, his eyesight is close to perfect now as opposed to when he was wearing those glasses (don't think they were bifocals though). He also shaved his moustache and grew his hair out, and as a result, is now married with a child. The only setback is that people keep mistaking him for Kenny G...:)

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