It was after midnight when the lights went out. We cuddled in the bed. F told me that he thinks he has to work the evening of my birthday, then went to sleep. I, for whatever reason, was wide awake! I was angsting a bit about my birthday -- we have excellent plans for the day after, so I can definitely wait to celebrate then. But I'd still like to do something somewhat-nice the day of.... then my mind wandered elsewhere. Friends who are going through hard times, necks that are complaining too much, exercises which need to be done, clocks which move too slow.
It was one of those nights where you just want the hours to go be more quickly, because they're draggging on, and you're sleeping nothing if at all, and you just wish morning would come so the charade would end.
1:30, this sucks, maybe I should just drive home. Drive while I'm awake, I might be tired in the morning. No, I'll decide at 2. (2am passes, because I've distracted myself with a game or two of Suduko-Treo.)
2:30, okay, put away the Treo, your eyes feel a bit heavy. Stop staring at the blinds. I said stop looking at the blinds! Let's close our eyes. Let's see, 7 minus 2:30, that's 4.5 hours of sleep. Oh sure, that'll be just fine.
3:30, and it's time to visit the bathroom! Yay!
3:35, and the boy mumbles something to me, half asleep. I say with the coherence of the awake, "Sorry, what was that? Do you need something?" Ridiculously coherent for 3:35.
5:00, I might have dozed off, but now I'm all sweaty and the blankets are too hot. I experiment with them. How much of my body needs to be without blanket, wearing only sheet, until I'm comfortable? How much blanket will make me too hot? Covering the shins? Shins and feet? What if we add the knees? Ohh, that's insanely hot, nobody could sleep comfortably like that.
5:30, experiment with new sleeping positions. I lie on my stomach with my head to the left, and I can breathe adequately. I turn my head to the right, and I am suffocating. Ahh, the right nostril isn't working, that explains it. I sniff quietly, trying to clear it. I turn my nostrils sky-ward, and lean on the boy. ...nice... The boy grumbles and moves away. He rolls closer, digging his knees in my thigh in consolation. Ouch. We stage a mutual retreat.
6:15, feeling pretty comfy, having finally figured out the right amount of blanket-layering. I stare briefly at the clock, and narrow my eyes. The clock narrows its eyes. I turn away, there is no winning. I have 45 minutes left before the first alarm. Snuggle down, try to get comfy.
7:00, oh, GOD, why did it come so soon! Make the noise stop!
7:08, aaaahh, there it is again! Please leave me alone, this is the only soft warm spot comfortable I've found.
7:16, crap crap crap. Gotta get up. One more.
7:24, fine. FINE! I'm UP you stupid alarm! I quickly put on my clean clothes, forgetting to brush my hair. I kiss the pretty sleeping boy goodbye, trying not to feel bitter. He mumbles a question. "Did you sleep?"
"Well....yes. But badly." It's an odd question. I sleep practically every night, at least a tiny bit. I definitely dozed off several times last night. But it wasn't especially good or helpful sleep....
Anyway, another quick kiss, and it's time to go to work. But wednesday is Bike Day! Do I have time to stop at my house, change into bike clothes, check the tires, and pedal off? hmmm. I watch the clock as I drive, trying to calculate. It is marginal. Ideally I should leave at 8:15 at the latest, in order to be at work at 9.
I am still a few miles away from home, and it is 8:12. It's so close! I could do it, and could still be less than a half hour late. But the boss is in town from Cleveland, and I want to make a good impression. Sadly, I decide not to ride. Instead I stop at Starbucks to replace exercise-adreneline with caffine.
I pull into work at least 15 minutes early! I brush my hair in the car, then stroll leisurely in. Nobody notices that I am early. So much for the good impression? But he probably would have noticed if I was late....
Friday I will ride. Pray for good weather! I need a Bike Day this week.