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Friday Night - cellophane — LiveJournal
the story of an invisible girl
Friday Night
I was driving to work the other day, and stopped at a traffic light. One of the cars that drove past me was a very small, older model, red car. It had a big Hotwheels sticker on the front side, just over the wheel! Right where a logo might be expected! It totally made me laugh, a real live Hotwheels car.

I tried to post this information while driving, but got distracted by the road. Probably just as well.

I made a few new icons yesterday. Although I need to take a better plate picture soon. Here they are:

It's friday night. There was a time when I simply couldn't imagine not going out on a friday night. It was never a question of "shall I go out?", it was a question of "where shall I go?"

Now, it's kind of nice having a quiet friday night with nothing to do and nobody to see. Not that I'd want to do this every night, nor even every friday night, but every now and then it's nice.

I really like this picture of me.

Speaking of pictures, I took several over the weekend. I'll have to write a weekend summary, with pictures, soon. Before I forget what I did! Motorcycles, blueberries, friends, canoeing, children, beach, and of course fireworks.

No, I meant a more thorough summary than that. But here's a preview. See how pretty it was?

It's funny, when you lose somebody. Well, I can't speak for you. Since I've lost my fiance, so long ago. I find myself "practicing" in case it happens again. Thoughts like that pop into my head all the time. Like randomly last night, I found myself imagining, practicing, considering, whatever you want to call it, that F died.

In my head driving home I practiced feeling numb, being tough, how I would react, and dealing with it all over again. And you know what thought came into my head? "At least it's the same date, so I'd only have to be sad once." Ugh, I don't even know how I feel about thinking such an awful thing! It's certainly not something I can voice out loud, in fact I don't even like talking about accidents in a joking fashion.

But sometimes the thoughts wander through. It's not surprising. It's probably quite normal, I expect. Even if a little creepy....

Anyway. I have two painting parties to attend this weekend. Both of very different sorts. One will involve painting canvases, and one will involve painting walls. I'm looking forward to them both! I am also planning on finally seeing Superman. Way cool.

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read 14 comments | talk to me!
dagibbs From: dagibbs Date: July 8th, 2006 04:11 am (UTC) (Link)
Cool photos. And, would be cool to get together with you and F when I'm in Michigan -- how's your schedule look for next weekend?
thatguychuck From: thatguychuck Date: July 12th, 2006 02:42 pm (UTC) (Link)
How's Saturday afternoon look to you? We'd love to get together. :)

It was an excellent surprise seeing you on Sunday. I hope you enjoyed relaxing a bit at the party.
dagibbs From: dagibbs Date: July 12th, 2006 09:20 pm (UTC) (Link)
Saturday afternoon looks good for me. Whenish? Whereish? I expect I'll be based at elizilla's, unless gaming goes too late at Tammy's and I decide to overnight there.
thatguychuck From: thatguychuck Date: July 13th, 2006 08:38 pm (UTC) (Link)
Want to meet at my place? My place is the middle point for Ann Arbor (you) and Royal Oak (Rennie).

Go for a bike ride, walk, food, whatever. Pretty much anything but a movie. :) I'm thinking somewhere around starting around 12:00 - 2:00 or so? I have a couch to move in the morning, but anytime after that. I'll have a better time nailed down soon.
dagibbs From: dagibbs Date: July 13th, 2006 08:41 pm (UTC) (Link)
That sounds good. Where is your place? Ok, I kind of know, and I've been there once before, but haven't been there in a while, and don't remember where it is, or how to get there. I checked my address book, and have a phone number for you, but no street address. (Doh.) Sometime between 12 and 2 works for me. How about compromise on 1pm?
thinggtwoo From: thinggtwoo Date: July 8th, 2006 05:16 am (UTC) (Link)
SO totally understand those thoughts.

You look WONDERFUL in all thsse pics - is that YOUR motorcycle?

(no subject) - davehogg - Expand
sllywhtboy From: sllywhtboy Date: July 8th, 2006 09:17 am (UTC) (Link)
glad you like the picture :)

every now and again, i wonder what i'd do if i lost amanda. maybe it's normal and serves as a reminder to cherish what i have, but that's the effect it has on me.
tammylc From: tammylc Date: July 8th, 2006 01:02 pm (UTC) (Link)
I "practice" loved ones dying all the time. And I *haven't* ever lost someone like that.
thatguychuck From: thatguychuck Date: July 8th, 2006 07:29 pm (UTC) (Link)
It's completely normal. And I'm really glad to hear you say it. For me, I found that talking about things like that make it easier to deal with and easier to realize that it's only in my head and didn't happen and likely isn't going to happen.

And I'm really looking forward to Superman, my Supergirl. :)
dagibbs From: dagibbs Date: July 8th, 2006 08:37 pm (UTC) (Link)
Hey, you're here too! Getting together when I'm in Michigan? Sound good?
simplykimberly From: simplykimberly Date: July 8th, 2006 08:41 pm (UTC) (Link)
I really like the new icons!

((hugs)) on the rest of the stuff - and yes, I think it's very normal.
geekjul From: geekjul Date: July 10th, 2006 01:43 pm (UTC) (Link)
I do that thing too, the imagining. I figure it's just a part of the permanent change that a major loss stamps onto a person.
hannunvaakuna From: hannunvaakuna Date: July 10th, 2006 04:30 pm (UTC) (Link)
But sometimes the thoughts wander through. It's not surprising. It's probably quite normal, I expect. Even if a little creepy....

it's odd... i do find myself sometimes running through those scenarios, especially for Ben or my parents or other people i know and love. it's like a weird daydream state. but, more often than not, i find myself wondering how everyone else would react if *I* were the one to die. i worry that nobody will miss me, that my funeral will be tacky, that i haven't left enough of an impression on my little corner of the world. in more elaborate version of this bizarre daydream, i'm a ghost in my previous world and i can see and hear everyone talking about me, but there's nothing i can say or do to let them know that i'm there.
read 14 comments | talk to me!