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A Few Good Managers - cellophane — LiveJournal
the story of an invisible girl
A Few Good Managers
I love this!! I didn't write it; I just want to save it. Copied from Agile Chronicles.

Development: "You want answers?"
Marketing: "I think we are entitled to them!"

Development: "You want answers?!"
Marketing: "I want the truth!"

Son, we live in a world that requires software. And that software must be built by people with elite skills. Who's going to build it? You, Mr. Marketing? You, Mr. Sales? You, Mr. Finance? You, Mr. Human Resources? I don’t think so.

We have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You scoff at our open work areas and you curse our big screen monitors. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what we know - that while the cost of delivering software may be excessive, it drives revenue and saves money. And my very existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, drives BUSINESS!

You don't want to know the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at staff meetings... you want me managing the project. You NEED me managing the project!

We use words like refactoring, test-driven development, continuous integration, sprint, velocity, and release planning. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent delivering something. You use them as a punch line!

I have neither the time nor inclination to explain myself to people who rise and sleep under the very blanket of software I provide and then question the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said "thank you" and went on your way. Otherwise I suggest you log in to a computer and write some code. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you're entitled to!"

Marketing: "Did you cut the automated, edit sync [insert favorite feature here] feature?"
Development: "I did the job I was hired to do."

Marketing: "Did you cut the automated, edit sync feature?"
Development: "I delivered the release on time."

Marketing: "Did you cut the automated, edit sync feature?"
Development: "You're g%$#@*& right I did!"

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read 6 comments | talk to me!
infernus1218 From: infernus1218 Date: May 10th, 2007 02:33 pm (UTC) (Link)
that was really funny, I had to forward it on to the rest of the developers on my team.
elizilla From: elizilla Date: May 10th, 2007 04:16 pm (UTC) (Link)
Gah. This is why I hate hate hate writing PARs. (PARs is what they call bug reports where I work.) I spend days slaving over these stupid things. And whenever one of them comes back it's dripping with this kind of attitude, and it's readily apparent that they never read the notes I worked so hard on, or looked at the screen shots I sent them. Eventually I get the supercilious "Working As Designed".

IMHO they're making this stuff up. Writing a PAR is like playing Battleship with someone who is moving their ships. They keep those design specs up there in a vault, I don't get to see them, therefore they can always claim the design really is stupid and that this broken thing is really a feature.
renniekins From: renniekins Date: May 10th, 2007 05:13 pm (UTC) (Link)
Well yeah, there is always the other side of the problem. I sympathize. I still think the parody is wonderfully funny though.

In my company, it's the opposite. We'll get a screen print of a stacktrace with no information about what they were doing. Or a screenprint of something that looks normal and we have to guess what they thought was wrong with it. Almost never any attempt at duplicating the error. I read everything I'm sent, usually searching for clues as to what they wanted, but it's frequently a guessing game.

On the other hand, we do work on the design very closely with the business analysts and users.
kevinnickerson From: kevinnickerson Date: May 10th, 2007 05:31 pm (UTC) (Link)
Just remember what happened to Col. Jessep.
marsgov From: marsgov Date: May 11th, 2007 01:24 pm (UTC) (Link)
I just realized that most of this went over my head... who the heck is Col. Jessup?

And now back to debugging SIP and deciding if I'm joining the W3C...
renniekins From: renniekins Date: May 11th, 2007 01:33 pm (UTC) (Link)
It's from the movie A Few Good Men. The original speech was about the Marines, not software.

Good movie.
read 6 comments | talk to me!