alpaca princess (renniekins) wrote,
alpaca princess
renniekins

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Oh well.

I think I've resigned myself. I'm okay again, and although I still hope I stumble across the darn earring, I realize I probably won't. Oh well, I have to remind myself, it's just a thing, and even though it represented something more to me, it remains just an object.

The problem is: the little things like that are all I have left of S; they are finite in number and irreplaceable. But I have to remember they are still just material things. Even if all of them disappear, I won't forget him in my head. Even as the memories fade, and nothing can take away what we shared, or the fact that we loved one another. But I have to live in the present of course. And my life right now, while different than I had envisioned it two years ago, is a very good one. Losing something from my past brings up vivid memories of past pain, and it's kind of like losing him all over again, but it is still only the past after all. Sometimes it's hard to remember that.

Anyway, just thinking through my fingers a little bit. Guess that's what these journal thingies are for, eh? A friend at work suggested that maybe this happened to remind me of S a little bit, make me think of him, and remember what we shared. And that's not such a bad thing really. (Although I'd still like my earring back God, now that I've learned my lesson, please?)
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