alpaca princess (renniekins) wrote,
alpaca princess

Do you believe in ghosts?

You know the things you do when you're all alone, nobody else is around? You know what I mean, stuff you are too embarrassed to do in sight of anybody. Not just the "naughty" things, even the goofy things. Like picking at your belly-button lint, or doing silly things in the mirror. Everybody has some eccentricities they don't want others to see.

Do you ever worry about ghosts watching? I do sometimes.

I don't even believe in ghosts, not really completely, but you never know. I mean, all kinds of things are possible.

I used to worry about it a lot right after S died. I pictured it like the movie Ghost, where he'd just be hanging out watching me while I was by myself at home. The idea still pops into my head now and then. What if ghosts are watching me as I go about my private business? It's not that I'm afraid of ghosts; I just don't like the idea of them spying on me.

Like this evening, when I indulged in a particularly long and loud hacking/ nose-blowing/ throat-clearing session (darn allergies). I would never be that disgusting in public; I'd be discrete and take care of the minimum sinus-clearing possible. But when I'm alone? Why bother?

When I'd finally purged all the gunk from my nose, I glanced at the tissue. The sight of the tissue didn't bother me. In fact it was a relief to feel cleaned out. But for whatever the reason, a thought of Unseen Watchers popped into my head. I squinched up my face and frowned at the thing before I threw it away, making an "eeew" sort of expression.

I made a little face and pretended to find it disgusting -- entirely for the potential ghosts' benefit.
Tags: stevie, thoughtful, weird
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