My third cat (Mocha, see icon) is basically indifferent to me. She's not a friend; she's a roommate. She doesn't sit on my lap, and although I occasionally pet her I'm never sure if she really likes it. She's an odd duck. Um, cat. She'll meow and roll around and purr, like she wants to be petted, but if I actually try to she'll spring up and run away, or move around in circles so I can't actually do so.
Even odder is that fact that other people often pet her when they visit. She's not a lap cat, and won't ever curl up with somebody, but sometimes she'll lie next to visitors and purr away while they pet her. She'll squirm and rub her head against them and wiggle, but she likes to be petted.
Sometimes I wonder if she would be happier elsewhere. She's so cute, and she plays and rolls around and meows like a kitten, but she just doesn't seem to like being with me much. She also fights a lot with Mouse, hissing and snarling and chasing each other around. Then they'll stop and glare at each other, making deep--in-the-throat growling noises that creep me out. They sound like beasts, not pets, and I'm sure none of the three of us are happy when they do that.
She and Robin used to get along really well, cuddling up together frequently, but I haven't seen them do that as much anymore. She doesn't fight with him at least, and I think occasionally they'll still curl up together. I think Robin might be the only one Mocha likes here.
Mocha was really S's cat. I had two cats when I moved in with him, and we went to a pet supplies store one day -- they were having an adoption thing, and he fell in love with Mocha. I thought she was adorable, in a "pet her a lot in the store and then leave her there" sort of way, but he really wanted to take her home with us. I allowed myself to be talked into it, on the condition that she was HIS if we ever split up. I didn't really want three cats, but it wasn't so bad when two of us had three cats.
Obviously I inherited her when he died, and now I have three. I wonder if that's why she's indifferent to me, because she knows she was an accident? (She wasn't planned, after all.)
Sometimes I wonder if she'd be happier elsewhere. She really does seem to get along with my friends better than she does me. In some ways, she makes me sad. It makes me sad when she doesn't seem to like me, and even sadder when she and Mouse fight. Sometimes I wonder: does anybody want a kitty? Or know somebody in need of a kitty? She's beautiful and funny, squirmy and friendly, playful, but doesn't sit on laps much. She's almost 10, spayed, and has no front claws.
I'm more-or-less serious about this. I'd never send her to a shelter or to a place where she wasn't loved and happy. But if I found a place she'd be happier, I'd let her go there. If she went somewhere and it wasn't right, I'd take her home again. But sometimes I think she doesn't really feel at home here. I wish I could find her a place where she was happier.
I feel awful for even thinking this or suggesting such a thing. That's why this post is titled "weird thoughts". But at the same time.... I don't know. I wonder if she's really supposed to be somewhere else.