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Prom - cellophane — LiveJournal
the story of an invisible girl
Tonight my friends invited me to a really cool charity gala event -- they're calling it Prom for Adults. I'm definitely looking forward to it, and I know it will be a good time! However I am simultaneously angsting over it, because I'm going by myself (my bf already had plans that couldn't be changed). Single at the prom.... such fun. And I hate going places by myself, especially places I haven't been before, especially fancy events like this. It sucks. It's just something that's very hard for my particular personality. I don't know why really, but it always has been. [Edit: to clarify, I don't usually dislike being at places/parties/etc by myself, just going there.]

So why am I going? Well I've been single for thirty-seven years. I've done this dozens and dozens of times. Weddings, holiday parties, fancy dinners. I've gone to lots on my own. It never gets easier, but at least I'm used to it. I fully believe that it would be stupid to deprive myself of a fun time just because I don't have some boy to join me. No matter how much I hate the beginning, the getting ready, driving alone, getting lost, finding parking, entering by myself.... I know perfectly well that once I actually get there and find my friends, I'll have a lovely time.

It's basically a question of being brave and doing something that scares me, because I know the reward (a fun fancy party with friends) will be worth it. It's kind of like going to the dentist, or the knee doctor. It sucks and it's scary and sometimes it hurts, but it leads to a better life. Healthier physically, healthier mentally, and better memories with friends. I don't want to be a hermit, even if my introverted tendencies try to push me in that direction.

It will be a fun evening. I know that, this is why I'm going. But right now I'm in the icky Before part, where I fall into Bridget Jones mode... "Do not want to go to scary party."

[Edit: Getting there was stressful and distressing, as anticipated. But once I found my party and found my friends, I proceeded to have a good evening.]


read 9 comments | talk to me!
aiela From: aiela Date: November 14th, 2008 10:06 pm (UTC) (Link)
FWIW, I've been married most of my adult life and I -still- feel like this about social functions. *hugs*
Have fun, and that's awesome that you're going to go. I hope you have a great time.
renniekins From: renniekins Date: November 15th, 2008 07:02 am (UTC) (Link)
Yeah, I don't think it's being single or married that would change how one feels about social functions. Being married just increases the likelihood of having a date for them!
fachless From: fachless Date: November 14th, 2008 10:12 pm (UTC) (Link)
just don't go dressed as a Playboy bunny, and you should be fine. :) Cheers!
renniekins From: renniekins Date: November 15th, 2008 06:37 am (UTC) (Link)
HA! Oh gosh, I was so mortified for her during that scene....
jeffreyab From: jeffreyab Date: November 14th, 2008 10:22 pm (UTC) (Link)
Just remember that you do have a BF, you are going with friends and relax and enjoy yourself.
specialagentm From: specialagentm Date: November 14th, 2008 10:55 pm (UTC) (Link)
I swear I read that as "pr0n".
elizilla From: elizilla Date: November 15th, 2008 12:17 am (UTC) (Link)
I love going places by myself. It's fun!

When you're there as a couple, there are so many people who won't engage with you as a real person; they focus their attention on the guy you're with and you just end up standing there. I dunno, maybe I'm too attention hungry or something, but I sometimes end up feeling like I have to compete with my date, just to have other people treat me like an adult with agency and will of my own. I especially hate when people ask the guy I'm with, what I like or how I feel, as if I weren't even standing there.

It's a social nicety that I have all kinds of trouble with. Men mustn't acknowledge other men's dates, they avoid the most innocuous conversation. And many other women are so tightly glued to their men, I can't even meet them unless their men talk to my man first.

When you're solo, couples talk to you, and other solos talk to you too. It breaks you free of the couples etiquette.
renniekins From: renniekins Date: November 15th, 2008 06:59 am (UTC) (Link)
Huh.... very interesting. I've never noticed/experienced that. However the fact is that, for whatever reason, I simply haven't taken many dates to social functions. I guess I'm not familiar with couples etiquette! We seem to have opposite problems, you have had too many dates at such events, while I'm too familiar with being solo.

It's interesting, because despite being single, it's not like I've never had boyfriends.... but somehow I still end up going to lots of these functions alone. The reasons vary per event, whether because I'm between boyfriends, or the boys have had other things they've wanted to do more, or whatever.

I'm not sure my post was very clear though. It's not that I dislike being at places by myself -- it's the physical act of going somewhere alone that I dislike. I hate walking into a party/event all by myself. I'm not sure why, but it's the hardest part of the party for me! I also don't like finding my way somewhere unfamiliar, trying to figure out parking, then navigating through entryways and registration and whatnot, then trying to spot a familiar face in a sea of strangers.

Once I manage to find a friend or two, sort of settle myself into an area or something, then I'm fairly comfortable wandering about alone, socializing and meeting people, only regrouping periodically. When I do go somewhere with someone, date or friend, we frequently will split up at least part of the time. I enjoy that, I don't need or want to be glued to my date -- although I do really like to have one around.

pi3832 From: pi3832 Date: November 15th, 2008 08:43 pm (UTC) (Link)
You don't need a boyfriend, you need a Tonto.
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